Gender- Sexuality- Self

Vastavikta Bhagat

We at SEA believe that the pandemic has a granularity of meta, non-linear narratives that become useful in making sense of the relational complexities of the pandemic and society. Thus, we set out to collect stories of fears, joys, agilities, fragilities, friendships, networks, collectives, home, work, infrastructures, entrepreneurship, privileges, marginalizations, migrations, desperation, gender, equity, etc. The glossary as a method became useful to reflect on this granularity of experiences and account for slippages during these times. These spatiotemporal stories, when read together or as individual instances produce a new sense of the emergent contemporary. This framework also allows us to speculate on the kind of world we will inhabit once the storm has passed. We draw on multiple readings to bring out the nuances and patterns of social life produced in a pandemic. This we hope would allow us to collectively reflect on the restructured ideas of the self, the collective, society, space, and time. The pandemic has brought about a new guarded living for all. The pandemic got forth nuanced gendered implications where the self was constantly suppressed or forced to hide.

The pandemic has been a real eye-opener for me and for many people across the globe. Being away from society and its expectations from what it wants you to be, made me realize that I am bisexual. The pandemic and lack of societal pressure and boundaries made countless people come to terms with their sexuality and gender.

Living in a place with people one's own age offers a specific comfort to do things. There is a level of privacy that becomes implicit in the living scenario synonymous with the people one is living with. I've come to realize that I get to be more outward about my opinions and thoughts with roommates my own age.

I don't have to be guarded about my sexuality or my personality in a city away from home.

Back at home, spending 6 months at a time with family brings out a new guarded living. There are some conversations that I feel nervous to talk about around them. Calls and dialogues with friends are reserved or had in the privacy of a different space away from parents.

I have the comfort of watching different content that would not please my parents or would make them uncomfortable to witness.

I could say things, act differently around my peers, something that a college environment offers.

Screens often turned away so as to avoid them looking into it, discovering something unpleasant. There is a constant feeling of awkwardness and nervousness that often leads to uncomfortable confrontations.

The yearning to go back to living with peers is heightened.

The freedom it offers, in terms of being one's own self without stereotypical judgment, is something to look forward to. There are often certain topics that are sensitive in the eyes of the family - social interactions with peers and sexuality being the most concerning.

It becomes hard to avoid these topics after a certain point and leads to further inspection. Most of the time, questions trigger arguments instead of reasonable responses and each member of the family goes back to being engrossed in their own screens. The eventual small talk and conversations become highly minimal and any topic brought forth for discussion becomes guarded.

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