ILUF or Never forget that we met on the internet.


I find a note in the washing machine.

My name is there,

on the note.

And his name.

That means that he knows my name.

He wants something from me.

He, who lives under my floor,

the neighbour.

He's been stalking me for almost a year.

He knows when I wash, he knows when I smoke, he knows when I go out, he usually opens the door and says hello. Suddenly he stands there like a shadow that quietly disappears when I turn around.

He has a scent that reminds of a mix of Axe and sportshall.

He comes out when I smoke at night and lights a cigarette himself. He's looking for me. 

When I sit in the bar Metro and drink a beer with my friend, he shows up and wonders if he can sit with us. He does not speak Swedish. Canadian. He's from Vancouver, he says. Works at Massive, that computer company where everyone looks like ninjas running around in black hoodies.

I meet him at the bananas at the Ica store, he says hello and I nod and walk towards the tomatoes.

I always throw the cigarette down when I see him coming.


The same day I find the not in the wash machine he plays my favorite song from Nick Cave's album Murder ballads.

It's pulsating in my floor, his roof.

He is playing my favorite song about love, about killing.

Does that mean he is  going to kill me, dig down my corpse

in our garden where the cherry tree is blooming though its November.

The tree is all confused, just like me.


One day I notice that he is not there

When I go out, when I smoke, when I sleep.

I put my ear to the floor.

He's not there. I look up at his window. He's not there.

He is gone.

But I have his name.

I check him out on Instagram.

On his stories sits a girl in Canada with a glass of beer. She shows up the next day too and the next.

I understand that they are dear, that  they are lovers, they are in love.

I'm obsessed

I start peeking at his profile picture every day, I start looking at hers, make two profiles so I can block one and not be revealed that I am there every day. If it's a ring around, it means it's a story, I have to open the box; they lie under white sheets and look happy. She looks like a horse when she smiles.

He writes ILUF,

Google says it means I LOVE YOU FOREVER

it cuts like a razor blade


I write to him, but get no answer, 

but I see that he has seen.

Two green symbols.

I can not stand the silence.

I know where they live, what color the have on the walls in their bedroom, where they celebrate her birthday, where they go on holiday. 

Soon a year has passed. 

The cherry flowers laying dry on the ground like pink cornflakes, the tree is dying, just like me.

I'm a spy in their lives. 

I write again, but this time my message does not arrive. 

I see one white symbol,

That means that the message can not be delivered.

He has blocked me.