Task: to pick a structure and write feedback from there.
The piece was so awfully done, demagogical, veganist left wing bullshit wanting to make me feel sad and guilty for all the plstic left in the ocean, preaching to the converted and so on and so on. In order to not allow my emotional judgement to pervade the writing I decided to use only quotes, picking up on Barthes' "Fragments of a Lover's discourse". It was y way of thinking and proposing altenatives both to the piece and to the "there is no alternative//the apocalypse is coming" discourse which fuels both right wing conservatives closing countries off as well as infuriated, snobbish left wing artists thinking they can change anything by commenting on it from a superior point of view. CRITIQUE IS DEAD, the future if there is any which can be lighter seems to me to lie in making dances, telling jokes and seriously investigating on possible alternatives and disseminating those through art or activism or simply through existing in a world where you can share yout thoughts and what you read or consider throughout your life.
- To be said/Read while Rabbits in my back set up the stage for the wormhole.
- Lecture to be invaded by a worm.
- I will deliver the lecture, unlike I had planned in the 301 draft proposal.
Greetings welcome everyone. I am very pleased to see you all here. Today I would like to begin by laying out the principles and strategies I will employ in what I have to tell you, namely being situation specific, literal and radically honest. What I mean by situation specific if addressing the fact that we are all here not because of a solo dance authorship show or piece but for a research presentation. I will not fool you, those are two different things. It has been said that I should be able to through this hour effectively communicate my research and investigation (a series of insights effectively shared). And going into literality I would like to say that what I have been researching about is this moment, this precise moment, when after one year of research in the framework of HZT and SODA I now encounter you, a group of people including friends, acquaintances, teachers, colleagues and assessors. So, this moment. This moment when I am here, you are there, I am here potentially shitting my pants (and moving from being literal to radically honest) and you are there deriving some sort of potential pleasure or kick from feeling the way in which I mediate and deal with the potential of, due to the liveness of the moment, cracking open and running away or exceeding your expectations and sweeping you off your feet with my creativity and innovativeness. But usually none of these things happen. Usually we as audience don't get swept off our feet and usually artists or performers don't crack up regardless of how much they feel they might be shitting their pants. But so what is it, what is that thing that keeps us binded into the liveliness of this moment of performance, dance, art, knowledge, research? What about it?
It is a tense moment. This moment of evaluation and truth. I have yearned and fought against this hour. Yearned for the moment of opening up and sharing this moment with you, the moment where maybe something of interest can be communicated, where maybe we can allow for some fun to take us out of ourselves into a realm of phantasy and dissolution, becoming one with the universe, saying fuck this bullshit of a world let’s have fun, screw it all, suspending our beliefs that shit is fucked and no matter how much we wished to make a difference in it the last resort will always be a potlach, burning resources, props, spending what we have for nothing other than an productive collective hedonism of going into a theatre a black box a white cube roaming around having some drinks being taken into some other people’s matters other than those in the news and in our lives and emotions and fears and anxieties and depressions and laughters.
AND WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO? I make you go through this boring self important lecture to tell you that it is pitiful that at the base of our misery lies the never fulfilled wish and need to be loved, to be reflected n other’s love, to see ourselves replicated in the art of others, see ourselves being appreciated by others, our power spread, our images loved be it through choreographing, being a parent, a CEO or a world leader.
You see it’s a very basic mathematical formula. Your self love = Ego Love you give/have to yourself + Object Love you project unto someone/something else or hope to get through someone/something
In a twisted way I look at all of you as my father. The one who’s approval I wish to gain in order to confirm my ego ideal. Or should I say my master’s, the ones I look up to, the artists I cherish and identify with, be them men or woman. I prefer that way of saying it. So again, as a person, a human with a human brain and human thoughts I cannot help but derive my ego love from the love I transfer to you at the moment of wishing to share something with you. I love you enough to wish to communicate but only because I need something back from you, not necessarily even an approval, but a reaction. A reaction through which I can confirm my own existence and see myself reflected in your disgust or excitement alike. For the worst would be to face no reaction, indifference, wherefrom one feels as if dissolving, sinking into a lace of disappearing, the sunken place of deperession, of filtering out emotions and feelings of worth, self woth or world worth. And you, someway somehow you as the audience in me so wishes to encounter something on which to react. For the worst presentations are not good or bad presentations, they are the presentations that make us indifferent. Indifference is the uncanny side of depresson, the sunken place whereform the world just keeps going regardless of our materiality.
And this is always a big mess. All of this I feel may lead to insanity. To devastating losses of references. To artists demanding pink lady apples, avocados and tequilla sunrises at their arrival in a Queer grassroots DIY festival, at CEO’s snorting cocaine with prostitutues on skyscrapper 5 stars hotels and so on and so forth. The need and wish to feel alive, to feel validated, powerful, to deposit our love and self worth unto others in which we may see ourselves reflected is or cared for is a big mess of a thing.
This is way I believe that my research calls for a Speculative Other
(TBC expanding onw orms and so forth)
- Make a choreography for the Rabbits
- How to generate a space for WHAT THE FUCK while still keeping a thread and trce through the audience, being wacky but still generous?
- References to check: Andre Fraser + concept of Play by Gertrude Stein
- What if I start crying halfway through the presentation?
- Getting a bumpy castle is way harder than it seems
- The worm functioned quite well for the "Residency Video" that Pia Kramer asked us to do documenting the cohabitation of different emmerging dance/performance artists for European Dance Network project.
Some results of the residency which will be listed bellow:
- Readings about fiction, Lacan + Freud on Love and Post-Dance
- Decided to try out "the love clown"
- First experiments with worm singing together with musician Violeta Lisboa
- Experiments for 360degree video making (future project)
- Watching movies on love (Kaspar Noe "Love and Mother! by Darren Aronofsky)
- Chilling the fuck out after 201
.Quotes taken down:
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One of the main points of “Subversion of the Subject” is that the subjectis not someone who knows but rather someone who does not know
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Knowledge, according to Lacan, is motivated by some failure of pleasure, some insufficiency of pleasure: in a word, dissatisfaction.
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There is a kind of fantasy at work here: the fantasy that we could attain such perfect, total—indeed, we might even say spherical—satisfaction. That fantasy takes on various forms in Buddhism, Zen, Catholicism,Tantrism, and Mysticism, and it goes by various names: Nirvana, Ecstasy, and so on. (By calling it fantasy, I am not saying that it is necessarily unreal. It is the idea of a jouissance that never fails and that never fails to diminish still further the little jouissance we already have. IT NEVER FAILS TO FAIL
Notes rom JFAG's assessment:
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Choreographing as a way of lessening control, letting things happen
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Practising TRUTH TELLING: FOOL, CLOWN, PHILOSPHER, ARTIST, PARRHESIA (feedback from Alice C. and Whiliam W.)
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Being thrown into the unknown through interactions and choreographing what is already there
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The artifice of an assessment // An assessment as a choreography in iself and an excuse for getting together
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Attention and care towards others as a training
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Are we being trained to be smart?
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An assessment is like quantum physics, the showing changes when it is observed up close
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Instant composition// Real time composition
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Notes:
- Storytelling as theory
- The critique of capital can make us stupid if we don't go beyond critique or are always looking for the newest critique to employ
- Building communities of care and concern
- Exposing people and beings to alternatives rather than critiquing
- The symbiotic animal (from Staying with the trouble) as what I'm speaking about in the speculative other
Notes:
- Trying to create real time composition with João Fiadeiro's technique for the building up of the set/playground for the worms to play in
- I have to be able to separate myself from the different parts of the work and look at it from the outside more
- Performers like/need feedback and expect it, it's not enough to just say "Play and Have fun, everything is OK"
- Ask friends to come to rehearsals and give them feedback as well
Application Summary:
In a 1927 letter to Sigmund Freud, Romain Rolland coined the phrase "oceanic feeling" to refer to the sensation of being one with the universe.
During our research we will reflect on notions of the dissolving self, immaterialness and intimacy by investigating the representation of the body within the world of virtual and haptic realities. Since to immerse, which originally means to submerge into water, is crucial for this experience, we will also incorporate images, sounds and spatial references to „The Ocean“.
We aim to investigate the emancipatory potential of the oceanic feeling enabled by dance and movement research both on the somatic and choreographic levels coupled with insights brought by experimenting with 3D technology and electronic sound. As a starting point, two dancers will generate material to be filmed by a 3D camera, producing movement in real and imaginary places connected to the oceanic feeling and its reference to the self, states of ecstasy or locations which can contain real or imagined bodies of water : e.g. the black cube, a night club, a public swimming pool, a musical stage at an ocean cruise ship, a tropical island or an oil rig.
Notes:
Their costumes and the masks somewhat blur gender and stereotypes, made me research on clown and woman and found this:
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"This thesis addresses a critique of gender representation through subversive and humorous strategies of repetition, my contention is, moreover, that the female fool makes visible the mediated subject of capitalism, that is, a subjectivity thoroughly entangled with the technologies and economic structures of its epoch." (In "The female fool" by Erica Scourti)
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The worms are also a female fool that I make of myself, a way of escaping and remediating aspects of race, gender and visibility, rendering myself something other so as to escape the condition my human body puts me into.
Amazing it's as if Forced ENt went to have a workshop with Joãoo Fiadeiro and came up with this piece. tIt is a beautiful monster and hybrid of theatre and choreography with amazing composition skills and levels of gracious absurdity where we see ourselves also going around the table and honking the honks and blowing the balloons whenever we partake in walks of life that we think are stupid but keep doing and contributing to.
ANYWHERE ELSE BUT ME
Art and Introspection
By António Olaio
Art research is not looking for answers – and we put a lot of effort into deliberately eschewing such an approach – simply because art is such a sophisticated thing that if it were really looking for answers it would immediately start to question what we mean by “answers”, if we admit that art has its own ways of seeking and constantly pursuing knowledge. It is aware of how universal details can be, and acknowledges how small and condensed the universe may now appear. By art research I mean art practice as a whole, art that may or may not be created within a research process (that is, in an academic context). And most art isn’t.
Main Idea:
- The wormhole should be the playground of the future, a place to play and experiment with absurd hybrid identities and speculative others, a place to witness the mix and blending of stories, lights, performance, sound, dance, talks and video/cinema. A place to discuss accelerationist politics and alternatives, to consider a world without jobs and the fear that too much free time will render everyone into a desperate alcoholic. A place to be reminded of play and the pleasure of being silly.
- The worms will be the hosts of this space, with their own set of narratives and experiences. Hosts and Masters of Ceremonies, allowing for the rest to unravel.
- The studio/stage as a place for alienation from ourselves into something other which ultimately send us back into ourselves, hopefully with an extra fold or two in our becomings.
- Keep exploring the theme of collaboration by inviting other artists to help with lights, costumes and curating the wormhole activities.
- Rehearse more in the studio and develop a speculative other kind of workshop together with them to find out more on this approach to find and unravel the little monster creatures living inside of us.
Keep researching and working on the fool and the clown as a way to access this speculative other
Notes:
- Trying out the lecture
- Thinking about the future
- What are the rules that need to be felt for the audience to follow?
- Think of scientific protocols/rules for worms in labs
- How do we operate on this laboratory?
- The lecture still needs "the click"
Quotes I picked up from Simon O'Sullivan text on "Non-Philosophy and Art Practice" in pictures to the left and box of Notes to Self
Collected quotes:.
- Performance is a subject performing subjectivity. In other words, it’s an identity performing identity, idealizing or disregarding, one’s own or a mask.
- Dance is not first of all a matter of subjectivity. Dance is a subject performing form. It is subjects or identities performing but their responsibility is not to issue subjectivity but instead to, so to say, become vehicles for the dance, to become anonymous.
- In fact I dance in order to be anonymous, to for a moment be on vacation from myself, from that self that I’m obliged to perform everyday all the time independently of who I am or what kinds of inscriptions I carry.
- A dance-makers production doesn’t emanate from an interest in choreography but in dance and in what ways dance can, and differently, attach to forms of structure, thus, so to say, creating different kinds of dances.
- – is to not desire the dance, or value it, i.e. assign value to it but to remain indifferent to it. This is an indifference that can only be obtained through an engagement with a concept. It is a difficult indifference to manage as it is far from being nonjudgmental. It is rather to also become indifferent to oneself, or to paraphrase Deleuze, it is a matter of becoming indifferent to one’s own indifference.
Intimacy with death throughout the night
Extended 12Hour workshop/experience format
I visualized in detail my own funeral
Was able to process the grief for a lost relationship
Cried throughout Alice Chauchat's companisnhip dances
Began to formulate my thoughts around the fear of dying alone rather than the fear of dying as a catalyser for world chaos.
Fuelled my desire to ork with extended formats blending performance with curatorial practices and installation: What are the conditions needed for such an event and environment to be planned, planted, staged and allowed for?
Also wanted to go PRAGMA festival but was unable to attend. Similar questions are out the there in the air and I want to plunge into them.
Notes:
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Watching movies and being guided through a meditation where we become entangled jelly fish, all lying down on mattresses in the gropius bau is a blissful experience.
- The film Paradise Loop by Alain Garcia movie would be great to curate within the wormhole, link to vimeo excerpt HERE
Ideas for SPECULATIVE OTHER WORKSHOP
Starting to implemment and experiment through rehearsals
Warm Up: 10 Mins Shaking + 20 mins Regressing as creatures into the Big Bang and back + Make a drawing + Exchange Drawings + Write a Poem.
Main idea for a owkrshop in the future:
Choose an animal
Do research
Write a story
Pick a song
Pick a quote
Pick a toy
Pick food
Pick a RANT
Real time composition with these elements.
Task 1: To do a 10 minute warm up with the audience in a room, make them lie down on the floor with eyes closedto have the actors reciting ten minutes of text afterwards.
- Worked exceptionally well, it's good to see how well the audience can react and cpope with propositions such as these, even in Austria :o
Task 2: To choreograph a weird German text about an old woman dying under the snow. Text was recorded with theremin sounds making it extra creepy.
- The best option was to work with task based choreography so as not to fall into interpretation. Used movement rewind startegy learned with Sofia Dias & Vitor Roriz
- I love to play dog :D
What stayed on my mind:
- The idea of the theatre as a liminal space for the becoming of a worm
- The worm's potential in the TATE of actually disturbing something, a certain order, bringing in a different connotation
- The impossibility of being honest on stage
- Sophie Calle - Ficiton and non fiction, where does it start and end?
- Could be good to keep the casual and playfulness into the framing statement (last time it became quite stiff...)
- How /what do I see in the idea of the speculative other? How to explain/bridge it to the audience?
Spread out notes:
- AWKWARDNESS as a tool?
- What are my needs and affects and excuses to go into the absurd?
- The excluded, other bodies, the potential not to overcome akwardness
- How to directlythe address the feeling that "Something is wrong?"
- How/when do we allow ourselves to be awkward?
- What are my NEEDS?
- How to practice them?
- How do my fears inform the practice?
- Who is entitled to say what?
- Burn out?
Performing the "One Man Unit" show
VIDEOS: https://vimeo.com/254021983 (trailer || password: omu) and vimeo.com/254033475 (full || password: omu)
ONE MAN UNIT is a hybrid of woman and sculpture, fully armed with consumer video and mobile projections in order to add another layer of images to our fictitious world. After dark the audience joins her on a quest to discover the narration within the trash bin of endless virtual footage streamed directly on walls, cars and the haptic body itself. Reality becomes a Holodeck, in which visual information is implemented only in order to lead to another, unreal experience.
Spread out notes:
- Allen Ginsberg assholes poem
- Karen Barad Lectures (check!)
- Roland Barthes on Lazyness (check!)
- How to put videos in the ceiling so you can see from down bellow?
- What about an inflatable castle? See Josjua Rutter's work in SODA
- Playing with other positionalities
- What is the role of the Absurd and the Paradox and how do they relate to each other?
Diego
- How can the parasitical nature of the worms feed more into the presentation? What am I parasiting?
- Can the action come before the concept?
- Or can the concept be derived from the process and the action instead of the other way around?
- Absurdity as a proactive tool
- The role of the cyics of ancient greece questioning the norms of the city.
- What is the role of Fiction?
- What is theplace of the audince, what are they doing there?
- Why call it multi media, how does the dramaturgy operate there?
- How to go from visual and intellectual to more haptic and ambiguous?
- A playground for institutionalized "probelematic kids"
- How to use the strategy of the workbook in the performative space of being something you can go back and forth with?
- What is the principle behind the world being created?
- Make more references in the workbook
"Ever since the first hot-air balloon ascended in 1783, inflatable objects have inspired the imagination of alternative worlds. In the nineteenth century, aerial towns colonized the skies and floating labs surveyed the world. Flying cameras popularized the view from above. Starting in the 1930s, gigantic floats attracted attention to socialist and capitalist mass parades. Along with the ideals of the generation of 1968, inflatable spaces and performances entered into architecture and tested new forms of coexistence."
- Giving support to Renen's piece "Sensitive Skin"
- Watched Pieces by: Hanna Kritten Tangsoo, INNER/Marlene Naumann & Cathleen Rabe, Edgar C. (Tamara Dagan, Don Mabley-Allen, Sara Paternesi, Antonio Savoia, Clara Federica Crescini, Mariana Varela, Flavia Zaganelli), Pauline Payen, Lulu Obermayer, Rebecca Dirler & Aaron Vazquez und Renen wt.bojtr.
International Notice Workshop #3
Writing feedback through expectations
http://internationalnotice.org
INTERNATIONAL NOTICE – Performance Triangulation Station – is an artist-led project generating a constantly evolving archive of original, high quality critical writing in response to performance on the Berlin Free Scene.
June 31st
Martin Gropius Bau
Xenoentities Network
FB EVENT HERE
"People-as-jellyfish and internet-ontological image-metaphors encourage spectator-participants to eclipse traditional notions of identity construction towards a thing more collectively concocted, a more fluid existence."
May 14th - 29th
Being a worm and chilling/reading/working at Espaço do Tempo in Montemor - o Novo with Rabbit Hole
May 22nd
First experiments with the Oceanic Feeling, a project proposed to the Flausen residency program (not accepted, btw).
June 30th
AGORA
Proposition by Siegmar Zacharias in the frame of the LAVA festival
FB event here
May 10th
Theater Discounter
GOG / MAGOG 4 by internil
Link to piece HERE
Link to PDF double click THERE
APRIL 27th
Ufferstudios
Gallery Week Berlin
Link to 301 Final Proposal HERE
June 2nd
Munique
2xMal Performance & Media Festival
Looping Video and experimental playground, link to video here (password mickey worm):
APRIL 28th
Found online at Research Catalogue website here
May 20th
Article by Marten Spangberg
Check it out HERE
More on Parrhesias Here
"The one who uses parrhesia, the parrhesiastes, is someone who says everything he has in mind : he does not hide anything, but opens his heart and mind completely to other people through his discourse. In parrhesia, the speaker is supposed to give a complete and exact account of what he has in mind so that the audience is able to comprehend exactly what the speaker thinks. The word " parrhesia " then, refers to a type of relationship between the speaker and what he says. For in parrhesia, the speaker makes it manifestly clear and obvious that what he says is his own opinion."
May 4th + 5th
Ada Studios
See link HERE
May 6th to 7th
Strasbourg
Link to Festival HERE
NOTES/RANTS TO SELF:
- Ideas of the playground start to emerge
- How to set the conditions for me, as a pefomer, to play and do away with worrying about my own image/subjectivity?
- What frames do I need to allow myself to dance and dissolve into the oceanic?
- Having a 3D camera as a costume helps
NOTES/RANTS TO SELF:
- I have to start moving my ass and making this thing heppen
- I still have done no rehearsals with Carrie (the new worm) nor the rabbits I want to have on stage and I'm still gonnabe away one more week. Uff. Don't panic.
- First attempts at making worm graphs for lecture:
NOTES/RANTS TO SELF:
- How to reshufle and play with yourself through art and performance?
- Doing away with usual ways of delivering the self, how to reach it without a costume so that the costume is only an extra?
- The worm only works when it invades when one sees the transtition, the anomaly being inserted. It's not about them but what they produce in performers and audience alike
NOTES/RANTS TO SELF:
- How to approach an assessment/research presentation knowing and standing for all the contradictions it entails?
- How to use the conditions an environment as a tool, as material?
- Notes/quotes taken in later converation with Evgenia:
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In science they have a question/topic and go into it but in art it is different we don't need to research on something specific
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Your research can be about researching on how you research
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Or about providing a frame for things to emerge
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NOTES/RANTS TO SELF:
- To think about curating, exhibiting and proposing as amode of performance
- Creating hybrids from different art forms
- A concept to work on for 401
- If I do a 3 hour installation, can I invite the XEN to curate a program inside the wormhole?
- Inspiration for the worm meditation to be done by the end of 301
NOTES/RANTS TO SELF:
- Once again I realize and face the fact that I am not alone in thinking about doing away with a self which fears death, disappearance and loss.
- The worms are an accelerated form of dying or simply becoming something else. They don't have to be just worms, the worm is my own speculative other.
- What would be other people's?
- How to investiagate on this further for 401?
- Can we develops everal speculative others together in a workshop format?
- Can the audience feel invited to consider their own speculative other and embrace it through my 401?
- Can I be clear about my future wishes already in 301?
NOTES/RANTS TO SELF:
- I want to get out of my mind, consider a speculative other precisely because time again one finds oneself trapped in these loops of desire and frustration
- How to evade them, to go somehwere else, take a side trip, trick our human subject into the speculative subject we can also be and inhabit outside of the usual traps of dissastisfaction with oneself and/or the others?
- It is a phantasy yes, a trick, a game, a play which can only be upheld for limited amounts of time, but becuase it is a phanatasy it does not mean it is less real.
- It has the potential of spreading more jouissance and lessening the insane amounts of effort humanity puts into getting its kicks from power money success be it at a high level or even in the millieu of artists and creatives, how much anxiety pervades and permeates this space? The anxiety the ambition the fears? How to stop replicating these forces on an an individual level hoping that may trickle to the ones sharing our spaces/environments? How too subtly introduce this agenda without preaching it?
NOTES TO SELF:
- I love to spend 3 hours in an exhibition space and only keep one specific special piece out of it all
- I love the trippy 70's mushroom psychadelic chaos
- I love the embedded critique coming out through a total des/re-figuration of american symbols
- I love the colors and the playfulness
- Reminds me of the first worm video:
NOTES/RANTS TO SELF:
- Mickey Mouse as the ultimate absurdity
- 301 proposal was very uptight, few space for my questions I basically put out an idea of something to be done
- How to trust that one is always and already researching even if it is not being done in usual ways or what is believed to be useal ways whatver that may be?
- Research presentation and not showing how to understand these terms without ending up in mild schizophrenia?
NOTES/RANTS TO SELF:
- Thinking about sustainable practices this was a way for me to revisit my audition piece and keep going from there in terms of the idea of costumes and obsolete toys/playgrounds/the merry go round
- MAKE FUN NOT BOREDOM was the motto
- It was interesting to play for 2,5 hours with the worm and the toys and let the audience interact or not, come close or not, leaving space for interpretation and interaction but not forcing it
- The point was o keep going no matter what, keep playing, keep having fun or faking that you are so more people can come on board (or watch you make a fool of yourself)
- FEEDBACK: It was interesting//weird/creepy when I started to ask persoanl questions to the people playing and improvising from there.
NOTES/RANTS TO SELF:
- Roland Barthes on Lazyness somewhere it says: "This is its most negative face, the saddest of a laziness which indeed does things, though badly, against our will, to satisfy the institution in giving it a response, though a response which drags on." - The one I feel now rushing to put this workbook together before the deadline turning it into a chore instead of the pleasure of going through my notes, maybe for the next years they can send the draft of the workbook before the assessment and the final version afterwards? Just suggesting :)
- PS - I am definetely getting an inflatable bouncy castle for 301
NOTES/RANTS TO SELF:
- I Hhave to work on the lecture so as to create a good rythmn with it and interconnect it with the rabbits
- Instead of playing with the clown maybe I just use the text for the publication so as not to keep replicating work (workbook, publication, negotiated criteria, framing statement (...)
- I need coaching for this first part, it's not so easy as I thought to speak for 25 minutes facing an audience even if a playground is being built behind me - Pauline?
- I get too stuck in concept and thinking, have to get more hands on, rehearse more, go or it instead of thinking about it
NOTES/RANTS TO SELF:
- Again the role of the clown, these clown not even having to say anything to prove their point of being stuck in this merry go round of life, invisible stupid rules that we ourselves keep replicating
- Talking with Kiana we both understood that YES! This is all about the rabbits, this is all about choreography and placing bodies movement qualities and people in the right place at the riht tim eto crack open the magic of absurdity and laughter
NOTES/RANTS TO SELF:
- It’s not whatever. How to create hidden rules which guide the work without it being overwhelming.
- What are the conditions needed to set up an environment for things to unfold?
- ENtangle more the texts with the characters? There is something missing a click, a layering,
- Keep a framing statement at the end?
NOTES/RANTS TO SELF:
- How to make or think Solo as a way of creating kin and fostering it?
- The idea of the symbiotic animal is what I am talking about, thinking that we can become partly animal as well and seeing where that helps us integrate someone/something else into our subjectivity
- The ideo for the of the playground of the future is how I imagine to put this into practice: Creating a space and environment for these connections to be played out, synergies between artists and animals and speculative others?
- Include Xenoentities Network and/or Munci workers who are creating installations through art as work in residency formats?
NOTES TO SELF:
- How not to get carried away by research or the expectations of what research should be?
- How to let go of wanting to do something to simply experimenting and seeing what happens?
- How to let the worms flow more into the work and not start "just" from worms?
- How to keep seeing the bigger picture of the work instead of focusing so much on these moments of "showing" and "assessing"?
- How to generate a situation to be invaded instead of having the wormhole already laid out?
- When will a worm without costume emerge, should it emerge, how, what for? I want to play precisely with the sillyness of costume and what it allows you to do so how to give this also without a costume, how to get there? Maybe through the costume?
- Life after costume?
NOTES/RANTS TO SELF:
- How random looking around makes you trip into tthoughts of interest
- I have to decide not to be worried about "what is my research about?" to actually doing it more
- The pressure put into these terms keeps being enormous, how to let go of all these expectations which still replicate the idea of the scientist genius Einstein Newton Copernicus la la la di das?
NOTES/RANTS TO SELF:
- Make a list of fears and needs related to the worms and what they allow to be played with and/or overcome:
- Loneliness
- Burn Out
- Depression
- Anxiety
- The world turning into an even biggger shit pile due to ambitions and nation state power games and schizo CEOS and people being scared of "the others" and so on and so forth
- For 301 embrace awkwardness straight ahead, let the worm be worms and be weird worms and the rabbits be weird rabbits
NOTES/RANTS TO SELF:
- French performance art is still stuck in a Barroque idea that art can't be graspeable by the common mortal soul, that it has to be dreadingly boring, have a lot of music in the background and a lot of poetry coming from someone's head that's stuck in the political activism style of May of 68. Or at least this kind of Art curated by this festival which I don't really get why or how it works.
- Anyway it's always fun to play the sad silly deppressed robot of this performance and have fun rolling around the place.
- This piece has a fixed text and I operate the video with my body, rendering an always different performance which doesn't need too much prior rehearsals. This is liberating.
NOTES/RANTS TO SELF:
Substitute "this insight" by "the speculative other" and this is a pretty good way of looking at what I am talking about.
"In fact, it seems that what follows from this insight is not the “dissolving” of the self, but, we might say, a holding of it in a lighter, more contingent manner—as, precisely, a fiction (and, insofar as the self is the anchor point for numerous other fictions—the different worlds through which a self moves—then these too are seen as fictions). Crucially, this might also mean the possibility of producing other fictions of the self (or other fictions of non-self), and with that the exploration of other ways of being in the world.
NOTES/RANTS TO SELF:
- Separatinng dance from choreography. Choreography as a tool, a struture, choreographer writing books of rmaking films. Dance as what cannot be organized or structured, making dances out of the medium of dance
- The worm and the idea of this speculative other/symbiotic animal or thing which produces a certain degree of anonimity be it in/through dance or otherwise
- Am I doing dance? What kind of dance? Am I not also wanted to be liberated from dance, or maybe I want to frame dance so that I can dance, so that worms can dance so that we can all dance in the playground of the future?
NOTES/RANTS TO SELF:
- Too much in your face, how to remediate it and make fun of myself with and through it as well, or play more?
- Can I use the Love clown as the jester and the fool? Will it work? How?
- Principle of being situation specific: This is a research presentation, not a showing. SO start with it begin from there.
NOTES/RANTS TO SELF:
- It is clear that a costume allows for a different way of accessing play and performativity
- I'm happy with having Carrie as a worm
- I may have misscalculated the need for rehearsals, 5 will probably not be enough - BOOK MORE
- Results from rehearsal:
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We made a song!
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Having songs and movements that unite worms and rabbits
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Have a warm up in the beginning and another before the DJ set as to how to use the floor!
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Shots for the audience with gummyworms inside.
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Carrie Suggests: Maybe no violence in tying me up and stuff, just a bombastic entry and i slide or something
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NOTES/RANTS TO SELF:
- How to reshufle and play with yourself through art and performance?
- Doing away with usual ways of delivering the self, how to reach it without a costume so that the costume is only an extra?
- The worm only works when it invades when one sees the transtition, the anomaly being inserted. It's not about them but what they produce in performers and audience alike
NOTES TO SELF:
- What expectations do I have about my research?
- What expectations would other people have of it?
- I have become interested in writing, could I invite International Notice to collaborate in someway? Not only via feedback but also by generating content through feedback?
NOTES/RANTS TO SELF:
- Managed to expand my practice into someone else's rehearsal through Renen's piece - Using the idea of teh performers being fishes so they could find their way into touch without doing contact improvisation. It works and is something to keep developing. We did 2 reherarsals and in both people go it and felt liberated from seing their bodies as humans bodies, allowing themselves to interact and play more with each other
- It's also great to see Renen work with 15 people, it gives me hope that it is indeed possible to assemble such a number of people in Berlin on short notice.
- It's clear which alumni are from HZT and which aren't. A strange barroque idea of dance keeps lingering in the world (or the german world?) where bodies fall to the ground in rythmn to the music. Or is it me who has become a total convert to concept? I don't think so, bodies falling graciously to the ground was always boring to watch. It's much more fun when someone actually trips and falls on their side without grace.
NOTES/RANTS TO SELF:
- A part of me wishes I could be conceptual in my way of making work as sometimes I can be when it comes to writing.
- Again I struggle with the issue of words, seeming to me that they come easier than other means of communication or composition. In the past months I've read 2 novels by Kurt Vonnegut, the Dipspossessed by Ursula Le Guin and am now starting RANT by Chuck Palahniuk. They are my companions when the sleep evades me at night. They create worlds in my mind that I wish to translate into the stage but it always seems like a failed attempt. Why not just read books when they are so good and convey so many stories, fictions, escape routes, comforts, emotions?
NOTES/RANTS TO SELF:
- It is very liberating to perform for others
- It should be done moreo ften in between SODA
- How to achieve the same lightness in making "own" work?
- How to navigate through the pressure of authroship with the same joy and lightness of performing and/or choreographng/directing in other contexts?
- How to trick oneself on stage?
- How to liberate live performance from the self in the context of SODA?
- How to be liberated from the self by and through performance?
- How to do away with demanding a linear and frontal gaze? - OVERWHELMING INSTEAD OF DIRECTING
- Playing with oneself and the conundrums of truth, honesty and fiction
NOTES TO SELF:
- The fun and immensity of suddenly facing a huge plastic inflatable
- The whole idea of fun fairs and fun parks whereby these objects allow for a dive an immersion into play
- See reference of the work by El Conde de Torreffiel: https://vimeo.com/140520571 from minute 32 (also picture bellow taken from the documentation of the work)
NOTES/RANTS TO SELF:
- To make this residency together with Rabbit Hole members was a conquest I had to fight for but which was worth it in the end, although not as many people as expected came and I also had to get otver the fact that we are a fractalized collective which now has more solo projects rather than collective.
- We have funding from Portugal which is a great boost. We can still do something together after all. It's just hard.
- I thought we would work and experiment more altogether. Didn't happen. Maybe in the next residency before the showings in October. Let's see.
