Mental Challenges and ways of dealing with them

I’m not sure where to start this chapter, but it would be wrong not to include it here in Q2. 

This is not the place to talk about childhood related reasons for this and that quirk. Again, the specifics are not too important, and I will try to see the bigger patterns. It might mostly be relevant to myself, however. 

Why is this important? If you don’t put in the effort to notice harmful unconscious pattens and take some kind of action, they’re likely to start running your life in ways that might lead to regrets.

Why is this not urgent? The problems are not going anywhere, and they’re not going away just because you see them, so (I’m guessing) a sense of urgency would be counterproductive. 

When I studied on my master at RMC until 2012, I had - in my own opinion - extreme difficulties in keeping up the effort of studying. Of course I worked and practised a lot, but always in bursts of energy followed by doubt and self hate. There were some tremendous, yet invisible blocks in my way, and in time, I developed stress symptoms like severe hyperacusis, constant muscle tension and a feeling of being trapped in my body. Thinking I would have to give up music, I started developing a real fear of the piano, and in general, worrying became a big part of my life. 

In 2010, after my first experience with meditation; a 10 day silent retreat of 100 hours of focused insight meditation, I had a feeling of being ripped open. Open chest, open heart, open eyes. I had a strange, but undeniable physical sensation that a strong wind was in my back, all the time, pushing me forward, back into my life. And when I sat down at the piano, I found that most of the fear had vanished.

This was around the time Martin Stender and I started the band Girls in Airports. Finally, I felt ready to do something real. 

I had two very creative years, continuing my meditation practise, but as you have guessed, the story is not all double rainbows from there. After I graduated from RMC, I encountered the next big blockage: My need for control manifested in the notion of perfection. 

As I gradually lost connection with the universal energy, I began striving for the sublime and this got me into trouble, as you know. 

Ways of working

It works well for me to create my own systems for maintaining healthy physical and mental habits. Without the systems, I easily get lost or overwhelmed. (For the record, I can get slightly obsessed with the systems, but not compulsive)

In this chapter, I will mention some of these homemade frameworks. 

‘Vejviser’ + Poster

Through my work in the fields of Vipassana meditation, psychotherapy, Julia Cameron’s creative recovery course and the Enneagram, I have learned the importance of being kind towards myself. 

However, my habit of self-debasing have at times been so strong that it paralysed me and made me believe the stories of my existential inadequacy I kept telling myself. 

Lessons with sports coach Jørn Ravnholt made me realise the importance of being systematic in the work of changing these habits. 

R

R stands for Risk, Relating, Rejection, Resilience, and is a mode category of my BRICKS system, described in Q3. I am putting R in this chapter because it’s important. It’s meant to confront me, every day, with something I really don’t want to be confronted with; the importance of running risks, relating to others and actualising potential. 

Rejection goals

Setting a yearly rejection goal is another tool for reframing events that would normally lead to feeling of defeat. When you think about it, there is no good reason to feel defeated if you do your best and get rejected. Rather, it should make you feel good about yourself for having tried, risking rejection. This twist of logic actually works. Although I don’t expect it to make the pain of being rejected go away, I see that I generally get past the feeling of defeat faster when I go to my document, add the rejection and announce “Well done! One rejection closer to my goal! 

My goal for 2019 is to get 75 rejections. My score now is 8, so I’ll need to take more risks in the the remaining year. I have 12 possible rejections pending, money applications and collaboration requests, and I will collect many more when I write to labels about releasing the next ØYA album. 

Weekly Meeting

The last important ritual I have developed to stay focused is the Weekly Meeting. Every week, typically on a sunday, I set aside 1-2 hours for a meeting with myself, writing in my journal. The agenda changes over time. 

It is a great help to do the colossal work of album and film projects in chunks of one week at a time and setting specific goals for the coming week. This is especially important since I have no fixed workweek whatsoever. Every week has it’s own tasks, meetings, concerts, etc,  and so,  every week is a new challenge in finding an efficient working mode. 

At the meeting I make specific plans for when to have focused Q2 time, and when to get Q3 things out of the way. 

On a less industrious level, an important part of the meeting is accepting everything that happened the past week, reminding myself of the adequacy of the things I did, explicitly writing down things that I am grateful for in the week. I find that this is an effective way of letting go of blocked energy, destructive thought patterns and regrets that have accumulated during the week. 

The way I used to set new year’s resolutions, I now set a new week’s resolution, and also take to time to appreciate the things I will do and people I will meet in the week to come. 

Before we move on to Q3, one last thing that is Q2 for me:

 expanding my ideas about music and creation