A documentation of my feeling during the sessions and how it made me feel about myself and my playing.
I recorded myself playing the Capriccio of Vieuxtemps for viola solo. There are two versions, one with the score and without moving, and the other where I play by heart, where I am moving in the space and the focus is on my body and the sound as if I would be listening myself from outside. The reason for this was to see the difference between playing just the notes, and playing involving my body and listening what is sounding related with the space.
The recording is playing from the score. During the playing I felt “secure” because of the score, but not really engaged with the music. I was not focussed on my playing, but in doing what is exactly written in the score, what I worked with my teacher, and how I worked the piece during my practicing, in other words, more technical things. Comparing both recordings, in the first one, the playing is not as free as the second.
In the second recording, during my playing, I felt sometimes worried about forgetting notes or making mistakes because I was playing by heart, For this reason, it is easy to hear small mistakes in recording 2. On the other hand, I enjoyed the playing more. I was moving my body with the music, feeling grounded on the floor and being aware of my body through the space. I kept my focus on my sound – focusing my perception of my playing in the room, as if I could leave my ears at the last chair of the room and I could listen myself from outside.