REFLECTIONS AT THE END OF THE DAY
good day.
learning and teaching through doing...
observation.
discussion from and through practice,
making.
listening also.
listening to the work,
listening to students.
the conversation with students is different,
less hierachical, more open.
meetings felt lighter, more productive.
less pressured, more time.
the smell of oil paint is the joy over joys.
how little time i actually paint.
so much more time spent doing other things.
so much talking.
time slips.
round table.
but i do feel judged.
the imposter,
always.
doubt is ever present...
i feel exposed.
not worry over judgement, something else
this has to be a better way to teach,
or at least this should be part of the tapestry.
REFLECTIONS AT THE END OF THE DAY
bitty, fragmented, frustrating.
being taken in different directions,
absent from studio...
from making.
the job takes me away...
it should, but....
paintings sit there...
waiting.
still.
gouache, out, started...treading old paths...
...while new paths wait.
teaching through talking a lot.
words are good,
they are how we communicate.
but....
conscious of being on show.
less natural today,
more staged, or rather not-natural.
good conversations. though.
plans made,
ekphrasis texts coming in.
emails keep coming, how to stop the deluge?
camera stopped...at times...
perhaps the camera does not like to move.
it is perhaps telling me to stay stiller,
in one place.
the studio calls, the call is strong
REFLECTIONS AT THE END OF THE DAY
feel uplifted and inspired.
#artistsupportpledge
matthew burrows in the afternoon.
matthew burrows talking sense.
morning in crits, students doing well...
....taking and finding ownership of their practices,
this is enabling.
confidence tempered with doubt,
getting the balance right is so hard.
i have more doubt.
why hide this?
why not have the confidence to share doubt...
more often at least,
or rather always.
that would truly enable.
this week is trying to do that.
i get pulled away though.
the email mountain grows and groans.
other tasks, mean...
i
am
absent.
from making, from doing too much.
if studio culture/atelier is to work it needs to be:
embedded,
and acknowledged as a thing,
wholehearted and full on,
not another do as well as the other.
little made today...
fired up for tomorrow...
email off,
tomorrow is my time.
REFLECTIONS AT THE END OF THE DAY
semi productive.
no teaching, no admin-ish.
things did not go as planned,
or rather as smoothly.
stuff happens, doesn’t it,
other stuff than expected.
the riso does not play ball
the queue for lunch was big.
the book binding when array.
but...
i painted, not good,
or not yet there...
but something is happening.
some texts are in, they are good.
the students can write....well. exciting.
a book is emerging. one off. but getting there.
a zine is emerging, getting there.
a confidence is growing that this is a
good
way
to teach.
other staff appear to think so too.
and more importantly the students.
put on Instagram what i am doing.
got good response to.
the feedback helps.
doubt reigns, but confidence grows.
why am i doubtful fo confidence,
but not confident about doubt?
trust is more importnat.
or rather trusting in one self.
quietly brave.
REFLECTIONS AT THE END OF THE DAY
trouble at mill, at home.
affects the day, somehow.
but the good thing about painting is that it disapears,
the mist of oil fumes knocks it out.
practice means you ahve to concentrate on,
the here and now.
zines printed inside,
11 writers.
all different, all great,
a lot of poetry, or poetically minded.
riso cover done,
gold on yellow.
not dry,
tried to rush it,
bodged it,
step back.
faster, but slower.
slower, but faster...more like.
time to paint,
also.
fuck it up, try to rescue.
some steps forward,
some steps back.
it is how it is.
the studio
is
where
i am
always
happy...
even when it is born of frustration..