During this period of self-exploration, there were several other things that were extremely helpful to me along the journey.
7.1 Finding a Life Beyond the Practice Room
Hobbies
Besides exercising more regularly, I found that what helped me to stay mentally well was to explore my hobbies. I found that I really loved keeping houseplants and it was extremely meditative and rewarding to take care of them. In a way, it was a reflection of how capable I was in showing care and concern for something else and that I could definitely apply it to myself. It has been extremely gratifying to keep plants and I would encourage anyone on this journey to try it out as well.
Social Life
The Covid-19 pandemic struck the hardest during my preparatory year and the first year of masters, where there was almost a perpetual state of lockdown, be it back home in Singapore, or in the Netherlands. My social life definitely took a hit, but it also made it so clear that my social life was integral to my mental health. I had the fortune of making really nice friends before the pandemic and it was what kept me sane most of the time in the Netherlands.
I also managed to maintain the friendship between important friends, and they have been my greatest support especially during the most difficult times of this journey.
Exploring my hobbies also led me to gaming, and I made new friends online, while some transitioned offline. These people also kept me sane during the pandemic.
These people have made the journey less lonely and less confronting. I would like to take this chance to express my immense gratitude and love for them.
7.2 Quotes
On this journey, there were quotes or poems that I found to be really helpful to me:
He who binds to himself a joy
Does the winged life destroy;
But he who kisses the joy as it flies
Lives in eternity's sunrise.
(William Blake)
“Allow yourself to be not perfect, while striving for perfection”
(Teunis van der Zwart, personal communication, 15 February, 2022)
You need to start digging and digging it out and writing and exercising and be active. Because if you are passive you're not going to change anything.”
(Participant 2 to Participant 11, Week 3)
“[Y]ou are your own boss, you know, you cannot let your fears interfere with you.”
(Participant 10, Week 3)
“Yeah, mindfulness, for me, it feels like it's a whole life journey”
(Participant 12, Week 3)
7.3 My Teachers
This journey would not have been possible without the guidance of my past and present horn teachers, as well as the teachers of the courses and workshops that I took in the Royal Conservatoire of The Hague. They have been a vital source of help and I would strongly recommend them to any musician. For the students in the Royal Conservatoire of The Hague, I strongly recommend you to take up the relevant courses and workshops offered. This list can be seen as a list of resources to seek help from. In no particular order, they are:
Horn Teachers
Classical Horn
Herman Jeurissen
Mees Vos
Jamie Hersch
Kartik Alan Jairamin
Natural Horn
Teunis van der Zwart
Courses
Quality Practice - Susan Williams
Applied Performance Science - Susan Williams and Wieke Karsten
Yoga for Musicians - Phyllis Ferwerda
Alexander Technique - Fiona Tree
Workshops
Mental Training - Martine van der Loo
Mental Resilience - Martine van der Loo
Audition Training - Roger Regter and Tim Dowling
Note: The “Mental Training” workshop was part of the programme under “Audition Training”
7.4 Final Acknowledgements
I would like to thank a few other prominent individuals as well:
Susan Williams, for her dedication and guidance not only as my research supervisor, but also as a huge source of information through the courses and projects that I had the absolute fortune of being part of.
The 13 brave participants of my intervention. I would like to express my deepest appreciation and applaud them for their courage to be vulnerable, their open-mindedness in trying out something new, and their valuable time to fill up the numerous questionnaires.
Last but not least, I would like to thank my family for being supportive of all my endeavours thus far, as well as being a source of psychological support.