SELF as OTHER, or: speaking aut* 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We, Anna Nygren (AnnaN/annan) and Barb Macek (barb/brab), started an exchange of thoughts about the meaning of "aut" – as in aut/istic and aut/oimmune – that became the initial point for a collaborative project. We want to investigate what it means to live as auts, to write about it in regard to everyday  life, in regard to the medical discourses about autism and aut/oimmunity, and in regard to the view of the "others", the not-auts.


Beyond that, as writers we are also interested in the aut/hor-ror  as something that disturbs within or next to the aut and makes it scary, but also triggers something else, and thereby invites to a rethinking of aut/hor(ror)-ship.


In the context of language-based artistic research we seek to develop practices that allow for investigating the meaning of aut on different levels of our existence.

 

Anna works with miss-spellings: with Spells, the magic spells and rituals of witches, the magic, dark and blooming – the spelling of wor(l)ds finding hidden things in miss-takes. As for the OTHER, Anna became AnnaN – "annan" in swedish means "other", indicating the hidden thing inside her that is unknown, the autistic, the mysterious. 

 

Barb’s practice aims at a different understanding of an immune system that shows autoimmune activity – that treats the immunological SELF as the immunological OTHER, and asks for the meaning of this confusion, or dissolution, with the aid of poetical means, like chance and repetition. 

 

By exchanging our experiences with "being aut" we try to explore new wor(l)ds, we experiment with transgressing borders (self – other / human – nonhuman / something – nothing / …) not only on the level of language but also on the pictorial and material level. 


  

Speaking out and at the same time speaking as auts, but also speaking in a language called "aut"

Barb Macek, Geheimschrift / Secret Writing, 2022

annan, 2024

the eye in the mouth

dragging over the skin

the room in the head

the hurting in the wound

cover with a blanket

tender to keep

look of mine

dream sequence

late to come

in over

soft skin

soft bones

sceleton that

the foxes and the dogs

leave nothing behind

no the child can’t get a grip of the adult psychology  

like the mother, the market is whimsical 

 

humour are troublesome 

SEE MY EYE MY EYES ARE CLOSED MY MIND IS OPEN MY MOTH IS OPEN MY EYES ARE CLOSED MY SORE IS THROAT MY TUMMY IS EMPTY MY HEART IS HURT MY EYE IS A LID MY EYE CAN’T LOOOOOOK AT UUUUU MY HANDS ARE EYES MY  

the flimsical freedom of the nerd 

 

 

 

 

sunky 

masochism  

mass-oh-schism 

dead and blind  

who is actually this “self” and how to like them? 

 

 

 

touchy abstractions 

                      bliss               blush             plus               size 

murderous bittersweet 

 

 

 

body-heavy 

so embarrassing so sorry so softified so sophisticated  

GLOWING 

 

 

 

Other 

 

 

O meta-death, metaphors are living dead 

O a-lien 

O zzzzz-oh!-mbie 

 

 

                                      Anna Nygren / annan, 2023

AUT/OIMMUNE POEMS

 


 

NIGHT EMOTIONS 

heartbeat protects

us groping flesh

at night.

autoantibody.

grasping fingers death flesh

to be traced in the thicket.

 

         MY SOFT ORGANS


        a finger destroying

        silence, is, propositions

        body. my soft organs.

        aberrant finger systemic

        lupus erythematosus.

 

                AFTER WORDS



                substantives, propositions

                an autoimmune disease.

                can this immune system

                after words can this

                is it the truth

                newly invented?

 

by barb/brab macek

CHIRPING CALLED SLE

 

perfect forehead awkward

autoantibody – the course of disease

sound flames, parasites.

the immune system against

viruses, wing wind.

chirping called SLE

a predisposition kidneys

destroy, the exterior –

 

                        BEHIND THE CLOUDINESS

 

                        lupus erythematosus

                        in the worst case. the human fronthead

                        generates destroying.

                        sound flames, autoantibodies.

                        against itself. cloudiness of sparrows.

                        also against burdens, strains. the body

                        is able to, also behind

                        the cloudiness, autoantibodies …

 

        ANTIBODIES AGAINST SPARROWS

 

        the body generates destroying

        antibodies against sparrows

        blue tits behind the forehead.

        inconvenient, against itself.

        Also young factors and a certain.

        kidneys work perfectly

        in (at) mood like. A perfect

        forehead, antibodies may –

 

 

Barb/Brab, SELF-description:

autoimmune eccentric:

selfdiffering, selfdissolving entity,

multiplicity

less and more than one

all at the same time.

Barb Macek, Stranger Than Myself, 2022

                CAUSING DEATH ARE REDDISH FACTORS

 

                sound flames and causing

                death are reddish factors

                few. human kidneys.

                destroy. lupus erythematosus.

                sound flames. it is the night sky

                clouds of sparrows.

                it is lupus who endangers the birds.

                also known as SLE

                wallpaper –

 

FLOOD OF BLACK BIRDS

 

lupus: cloudiness of autoantibodies,

in the worst case it is a flood

of black birds. At closing

the eyes the night sky.

while the environment leads to death.

a perfect defense, that quickly can

switch color to impatience known as SLE

or a package of earth –

 

                        AGGRESSIVE DEFENSE IN THE HEAD/ MIND

 

                        a perfect elaborate

                        health police in

                        impatience. burdens

                        work. sky, antibodies.

                       also of genetic factors.

                       how can lupus erythematosus

                        – clouds of sparrows, whose

                        aggressive defense in the mind –

 

       INSOLATION

 

        also insolation,

        package of earth that quickly

        recolors to impatience. erythematosus.

        in all organs, wing winds, virus attack.

        the human speed generates

        in the worst case destroying antibodies.

        a package, is it a disposition –

 

ANTIBODIES, ACOUSTIC

 

lupus. also in the head

the systemic lupus

erythematosus

also insolation,

package of earth, that quickly recolors

into impatience.

reddish factors in the head

the human speed

antibodies, acoustic –

 

                    DESTROYED TIME AUTOANTIBODY

 

                    – inflamed, whose aggressive

                    out of shadows, destroyed time autoantibodies.

                    halted, time.

                    out of shadows, by itself is. the

                    body time itself or protects, accordingly

                    bodily and temporary

                    out of the shadow death a physical

                    place, its time –

 

 

        NOISE TREATMENT

 

        grasping, during defense reactions

        internally sets of

        the noises‘ treatment

        as a general rule life-long

        of knives the noises

        behave without treatment

        are the noises, same as,

        while internally,

        life-long …

 

                        COLLECTING SIGNS

 

                        tracing lupus signs

                        collecting human sounds

                        inventing. or

                        autoimmune diseases

                        destroy the human kidneys …