Research Context / Emerging Question / Prototype
The research context began with me being alone in my own room in Tilburg. I noticed that all kinds of thoughts were accompanying me, and I was often feeling worried, tired and bored. At the same time, I was feeling safe and comfortable there, while accompanying and entertaining myself. A variety of questions emerged, here are a few examples; What do I do when I am alone in my room? When am I in my room? What do I feel? What do I think? What is going on outside of my room?
My whole world could be found in the room. I wanted to show it to the audience. I also wanted to be my vulnerable self on stage, where I feel like I can really “go for it” – all the things I do, think and feel in my room but normally feel ashamed and stressed about, I can fully embody on stage. I can even exaggerate it.

Analysis VPD (Medium and nexus)

Performer
Due to the performance being in the form of a solo, there is only one performer present. The performer is also the creator of the solo, me. Thus, talking about the performer equalises talking about me. Not only because I am performing, but also because the character I portrait is to a large extent based on myself and my actual experiences in life. This makes the personal style very prominent in the appearance of the performer. She is dressed in a way that I like to dress myself, she is even wearing some clothes from my own wardrobe. She also moves like I personally enjoy to move. Therefore, I would say that I am the most suitable choice of performer for this solo. However, this opinion might be coloured by the fact that operating both as the creator and the performer created an interconnectedness between the two roles, that led me to making choreographic choices partly based on what felt good in my performative body.

Movement
There is a mix of everyday movements and abstract movements. The everyday movements and actions consist of walking, sitting and laying down, crying, carrying items and looking into a mirror. The abstract movements constitute what I will call the dance, because they are charged with experienced emotions, are codified, relates to rhythm and tempo in the music, and lacks a practical purpose other than transforming the emotional state of the character played by the performer. The dance is codified in different ways in different parts of the solo. For example, in one of the first parts, there are a few movements that the performer alternatingly connects, through finding various transitions between them. The movements are characterized by release of body parts to the floor, low muscle tension and legato in terms of flow of movement. This is to convey a feeling of heaviness and tiredness in the body.
Later on in the solo, there is a part in which the movements are faster, more explosive and executed mostly in a standing position, compared to the above-mentioned part, which was based on a falling and sitting state of the body. Here, the image and movements of the performer communicates confidence, energy and action.

Sound
The sound of the solo derives from a variety of sources. In the beginning, there is only the sound of the performer’s feet walking on the floor, and her occasionally dropping clothes on the floor. This is hardly audible though. Therefore, the sound of her zipping up the big sweater she is wearing, stands out. After a while, she goes to her phone to turn on music. The first music track is quite slow, melodious in a melancholic way, a bit jazzy with wind instruments and percussion. At the same time, there is percussion sound from the performer’s hands slapping the floor and her own body while she moves. Additionally, there is a music track with more base after the first music, sounds of the performer crying, talking, and making noise with her voice.

Space
Characteristic for this solo is the scenography set up in the space. It is performed on a square stage in a black box, but furnished with a mat, a chair with some clothes on it, a speaker, and a standing mirror supported by a praying chair and a water bottle. The set up of the mirror was a practical choice, but I understand that it might leave the spectators questioning the meaning of it. The appearance of the space resembles a room, in fact my own room. I tried to bring my room to the stage. The lights used support the ambience of being in a living room, with soft, warm light.

The performer-movement connection
As mentioned earlier, the movements relate to the performer in a very personal way. For example, in the crying scene, I tried to make the movements and posture of my body crying as close to real life as possible. I chose to do this, because it was the strategy of communicating genuine emotions I knew best. Also, it still is when I as a performer draw my expression from real life experiences, that I am the strongest. Hence, the personalized movement style. I also needed to base some movement choices based on the fact that when I started to create the solo, I had just sprained my ankle. I started to move from a place where I didn’t need to put much pressure on the foot, which was while sitting on the floor.

The performer-sound connection
The performer-sound connection is a big part of the nexus in this performance. The two different music tracks set the mood for what the emotional state the performer is in. At the same time, it is the performer who controls the music through choosing songs on her phone on top of the speaker, that is placed on stage. That’s at least the illusion of it. She wants to change the way she is feeling and acting, and therefore she changes the music. The music both supports her and reflects her inner life. The performer is also reacting to the music in different ways. Sometimes she dances on the music, hitting the sounds with her movements, and sometimes she complements the music, through creating her own rhythm.
Next to the music, there are the sounds that the performer creates with her voice and body. These sounds are closely connected to the movements. For example: clapping with the hands on the body and the floor as she does a movement combination, talking affectionately to herself in the mirror while dancing with it, crying while being on her hands and knees.

The performer-space connection
The performer inhabits the room that is the space. More intimacy was created in the space when the furniture and object were brought in, and it provides a context for the performer to step into. In the beginning of the solo, the stage is lit up and reveals the room, and only after quite a while, the performer enters. In this way, the audience have already gotten a chance to observe the space and make possible associations, before the performer enters the room. The performer fits into the scenography and atmosphere on stage, through relating to the objects, adding material in form of clothes, and moving around in there with confidence in familiarity. Also, the colours of the performer’s clothes, of the mat and other objects are complementing each other.

The movement-sound connection
In the beginning it was pretty quiet, but some sounds arose due to the walking of the performer, and her dropping and sweeping clothes on the floor. After that there was the section of slow, melancholic music, during which the movements where also slow and in the same performative colour as the music. The movement quality was clearly influenced by the music, but the music was also chosen to fit the style of movement. In this part, there are also movements incorporating body percussion, relating to the rhythms of the song.
In the second song, the movements relate even more to the music. The performer is trying to both follow the music with the movements, as well as adding another layer of rhythm to it through alternating between staccato and legato in movements, and moving in an irregular rhythmical pattern.
Furthermore, movement and voice are so intertwined that they mostly arise at same time. Movement in the body is needed in order to produce sound through the voice, and so is the talking, crying and abstract noise-making very much embodied.

The movement-space connection
The movements fill the space, the room with a story. They make the space come to life, yet the space gives context to the movements and actions. Also, the performer is literally changing the space by her movements. Sometimes she takes an object, like a piece of clothing or the mirror, and places it somewhere else. The space is open for the spectators to witness, and everything the performer does in there is visible. The movements and the focus of her eyes are kept close to herself though, creating an invisible fourth wall between her and the audience. For instance, she never addresses the audience with her gaze, or directs her movements towards them. Instead, she moves around in her own world in the room, and the audience is welcome to observe.

The sound-space connection
Since there is a speaker part of the scenography, with a smartphone on top of it, an image of the speaker putting the music out into the room is planted. However, the music is actually coming from the way bigger speakers of the theatre. The illusion is not completely convincing, because there is no way the small speaker could fill the space with such amplitude. The contrast is surprising though, and adds a question of what this space is. The loud music becomes a reminder of the we are still in the theatre, but it also invites the possibility of the space being the ‘inside’ of the performer. In her inner world, the music could resemble her emotions, which she might experience loudly.
Moreover, the crying sound makes the space more personal, suggesting that the performer is in a space that she feels comfortable in.