I Don't Know Who I Am by Xiaoou Ji

We live in an age of Symbolic Misery (Stiegler, 2014). In this era, we listen to the same music, scroll through the same Instagram feeds, and we immerse ourselves in daily lives that are the same as others, gradually losing the 'singularity (Stiegler, 2014)' of individual difference. This homogenized structure of perception continuously reshapes our subjectivity (Simondon, 1958; Hui, 2016), making individual desires no longer emerge from unique experiences or internal generative processes, but are increasingly induced and regulated by external technological and symbolic systems (Stiegler, 2015). In this context, the question is no longer 'What do we produce?' but rather, 'Do our desires still belong to ourselves?'. As Stiegler (2014) pointed out, in order to enter the market more effectively, marketing technologies have developed an industrial aesthetic system centered on audiovisual media. This industrial aesthetic re-functionalizes individual sensory experiences following industrial interests, aiming to produce a replicable and controllable unified taste through the standardized pleasure. This huge 'desire project (libidinal management)' manipulates human drives for externalization through a diversity of apparatus (Agamben, 2009; Foucault, 1977), generating a sense of 'participation' via formalized interaction, restricting the level of perception and expression (Stiegler, 2015). Through daily repetition, this process gradually weakens the individual’s ability for subjectivation, trapping them within a passive structure of desire (Stiegler, 2014). This exposition is based on an artistic research project titled 'I Don’t Know Who I Am', an installation game. It invites players to watch a five-minute monologue, the story of a cow (inspired by, for example, Lacan et al., 2001), to explore the secrets hidden within this cow’s desire. After watching the video, the player will face a plate of real grass with soya sauce, and be invited to make a choice: whether or not to eat the grass. This installation game encourages players to reflect on a critical question: At a time when industrial aesthetics and subjective experience standardize individual desire, is increasingly hollowed out, where do our desires truly come from? Do they still emerge from internal generative processes, or have they long been preconditioned and disciplined by technological objects and symbolic systems?

I Don't Know Who I Am

Reference for the abstract:

Agamben, G. (2009) 'What is an apparatus?' and other essays. Stanford: Stanford University Press.

Foucault, M. (1977) Discipline and punish: The birth of the prison. London: Penguin Books. Originally published in 1975.

Hui, Y. (2016) On the existence of digital objects. London, Minneapolis: University of Minnesota Press.

Lacan, J., Sheridan, A. and Bowie, M. (2001) 'The subversion of the subject and the dialectic of desire in the Freudian unconscious,' in Ecrits: A Selection. Routledge eBooks.

Simondon, G. (2016) On the mode of existence of technical objects. Minneapolis: Univocal Publishing. Originally published in 1958, Paris: Aubier, Editions Montaigne.

Stiegler, B. (2014) Symbolic Misery, Volume 1: The Hyperindustrial Epoch. Cambridge: Polity Press.

Stiegler, B. (2015) Symbolic Misery, Volume 2: The katastrophe of the sensible. Cambridge: Polity Press.

Do you want to eat grass?

Why?

Is it because of this video that you want to eat grass or not?

Is it your own choice?

Has Bow's desire in the video become your desire?

In other words,
Bow does not exist, it is just a fictional character.
I constructed this video.
Is your desire manipulated by me?

Through the mediation of technology, you cannot see my design.
Does this make the manipulation more invisible?

Does this sound familiar?

Online streaming platforms, advertisements, social media algorithms…

At a time when individual desire is standardized by industrial aesthetics and subjective experience is increasingly hollowed out, where do our desires truly come from?

Do they still emerge from internal generative processes, or have they long been preconditioned and disciplined by technological objects and symbolic systems?

Just like in this game, perhaps the act of "eating grass or not eating grass" is not a choice about our individual desires.

Maybe, the critical look at the use of technology is the starting point for our thinking in our desire?

I don’t know who I am

Well, I eat grass

I have someone I like

(I think her name is Aow)

I look at her sometimes

Secretly

She doesn’t seem to care about me

(All she wants is to eat grass)

I like to watch Instagram

But sometimes, it sends me the content that I don’t like

Fine, I actually don’t like to eat grass

I prefer lamb

You know what

Tell you a secret

I sometimes watch cow porn

Just to imagine that it would be a special moment between me and Aow

I don’t know why I do this

I often think about what the meaning of life is

Just like now

Producing milk?

Perhaps

In fact, I often cannot sleep

When I cannot sleep

I think

(Or eat mushrooms)

Maybe you also feel that Mozart’s music always makes people want to sleep?

I mean, ya

They always like to do it

Saying it will produce better milk

I don’t really follow the news

But I can’t sleep because of the global warming

Are you the same?

By the way, have you tried eating grass?

I think… It tastes just average,

maybe it would taste better with some soya sauce?

ya, you should try

It tastes good

(not better than the lamb I think)

I always think about Aow

I think we are destined to be together

Because I always fantasize about her wearing a wedding dress.

Don't laugh

I really like her

Every time I see her talking to that Pow guy,

I get so angry then I go to the power grid and shock myself!

What about you?

Do you have someone you like?

Okay fine, I will be honest with you

I ate lamb before

I felt it tasted very good

But I cannot tell Aow

Maybe she will hate me for this.

Who knows

So, have you tried grass?

Is it delicious?

You should add some soya sauce

(I learned it from Youtube)

Oh BTW, my name is Bow,

What’s your name?

Nice to meet you!

I think we can be friends!

We can go to the beach and eat grass together :)

What do you think?

Greetings from Bow :)

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