I dreamt of developing the ability to compose, arrange, produce, and perform music, as well as write plays or make movies. This was not to show off my ego but simply the desire to create something new. When I was 12 years old I started to read about the great composers. Often, I dreamed about the life of great artists and imagined the scenes I was reading about. I loved reading biographies of people who made a great impact on art and the history of humankind. Beethoven was such a person for me, who I imagined as a hero to the people. A man with good energy and the potential to fight against the rigid rules that threatened to kill the life of society.
Great French writer, Romain Roland, worked on a biography of Beethoven’s life over a long period. He states:
´The air is heavy around us. The world is stifled by a thick and vitiated atmosphere—undignified materialism that weighs on the mind and heart hindering the work of governments and individuals alike. We are being suffocated. Let us throw open the windows that God's free air may come in; and that we may breathe the breath of heroes’ (Romain, 1980, p. 106).
I have many questions in my mind, however, for my master’s project, I chose to focus on the following main questions:
How can traveling and living in different parts of the world impact on my musical identity?
How can I create a musical framework that allows me to collaborate with musicians from diverse backgrounds?
How can I use improvisation as a means to discover and express more of my character and musical identity?
All the pictures of the city Sannadaj in this page taken from the open source or internet royalty free archive.
I remember when I began to write and express my thoughts and my feelings from the age of 12-13. This began with writing a romantic letter to a classmate, followed by writing a journal from the age of 15. I remember how crazy I was about reading as many stories and books as possible. I saved my money to buy books and later I started to write, inspired by what I had read. This led to writing poems and novels, screenplays and plays for theatre in the Persian language. Later I wrote about music and movies in the great Iranian newspapers during my youth, as well as getting involved in making short movies and theatre productions. I was also acting at the time and loved performances and communicating with people.
Music was the last form of art to come my way. I was born into a musical family with many generations, but I wanted to write novels and make movies instead. My grandfather asked me to sing along with him and later my mother bought me my first violin. I started to play the violin, but I was a really lazy student. I did not want to practice, and I could not prepare my homework. Later on, from the age of 14 or 15, I began to compose simple melodies consisting of three or four notes that came to me, even though I did not know what composing was at the time. I dreamed of becoming a great artist or auteur, which was a French term I discovered in my teenage years describing an artist, usually a film director, who can implement all of their ideas like the author of a novel or a play.
Identity and Travel
When considering the question of my own identity, first and foremost I think of myself as a singer. Simply, Gian is a singer, someone who loves to sing. I consider the voice as an essential part of a human being. My ears are very sensitive to the human voice and its characteristic features and elements. I can recognize people’s voices and organize them in different categories. This is an ability I have had since my teenage years. When you travel, you always have to adjust your way of living to the new environment. Any new place creates unexpected difficulties as well as opportunities. One needs to adapt to a new culture and new languages to communicate. Every aspect of a new society and environment has an impact on the individual. You learn new ways of living, becoming familiar with new norms and rules. Some of these rules may not be as pleasant as old habits and rules. They may cause suffering and difficulties, but they need to be examined, understood, and applied. One needs to learn his or her limitation and ability to adjust to a new life and society. This experience brings about a change in a person, a shift of perspective, which may also affect the art that is produced by the person as a result.
Creating a Framework for Collaboration
It is well known that when old familiar paths are not able to take us to our destination, we are obliged to create a new path. This is true of working with people who have different backgrounds. In this case, we must search for the same kind of understanding and create the possibility for teamwork and collaboration. Each hold within them different family backgrounds, education, and tradition. Each person has a different kind of destiny and understanding about life and art. In this case, we need to create a basic framework that everyone can understand, respect, and utilize to develop a fruitful project. In this project, I needed to take time to carefully explain the musical ideas, characteristic elements and proposed a collaborative framework. Listening to others and allowing them to share thoughts and add their beauty to the art form is always my main concern when I am working with others. In this way, we all have a common language to understand our thoughts and feelings and the possibility to create art together.
Improvisation and Identity
Imagine that I am walking between the trees.
Suddenly, from somewhere unknown a melody comes to me. This melody occupies me, imposing its power on me.
I whisper and whistle the melody to myself.
I feel the beauty of the melody.
I try to capture its essence.
I record it if I can and I try to write it down before forgetting it.
Sometimes this melody comes with rhythm and sometimes as a small motive or obscure unfamiliar line.
What is my reaction?
I welcome everything.
I am not afraid of new music and new sounds.
I try to take a risk and go far away from my comfort zone.
I do not want to repeat myself.
When you allow unfamiliar sounds to come into your heart, you make it familiar; you work on it to make it part of you.
You change it and by enabling that change, your identity will change too.
This change is perhaps not as big as we imagine at the time, but after spending a lot of time on this new unknown element, it becomes part of you. This phenomenon occurs through improvisation. If you allow your soul and mind to travel, you will be surprised by how great this uncertainty can be.
Although I did not know how to compose music, I had the courage and determination to start from the beginning. I began slowly writing each note one at a time. I remember after playing violin for only three months, I started to write a simple melody for my violin and, over time, this has developed into writing more complex music. I have always had this need to express myself and my emotions through music. Sometimes I had difficulties with writing down the music I heard. I could whistle the music, I could play it, but I could not write it down. I almost gave up at times, but I could not bring myself to stop. Classical music was a great source of inspiration for me and when I listened to orchestras and symphonies by Mozart and Beethoven, I found myself in a world of ecstasy. I moved around and shook my hands, imagining that I was conducting the orchestra.
The same kind of feeling still exists within me and I often describe myself as being the same child with a bigger body, doing the same kind of movement whenever the music inspires my body and soul. Music has always been a great source of love, joy, and sadness in my family. Both my parents are amateur singers and my mom is a lament singer. She improvises and composes tunes and lyrics spontaneously. One of my grandparents was a famous folk musician of the past. When my family gathers together, someone always starts singing or playing. I think this is characteristic of a Kurdish family in an away. Dancing hand in hand next to each other gives comfort, especially when we are separated from society. Even though I remember many sad days in my life, music can still be heard in my mind, which is attached to the events and memories of the past. Today I continue to walk and whistle, create a melody, tap rhythm, and make a song.
Some of the countries mentioned in the video, where I have been living, studying, working, and getting to know the language and culture include: Iran, United Arab Emirates, UK, Germany, Italy, Norway, Finland, Spain, and Denmark. Except for Denmark, where I was only living for a short period as an exchange student, all of these places have allowed me to experience the unique cultures in depth through living for extended periods. In the following sections of this exposition, I will reflect show some of the ways these experiences have affected me and my music, framed within the context of preparing my master's concert.
Introduction:
Who am I? Kuka minä olen? من چه کسی هستم؟ من کیم؟
Kuka minä olen? Singing Journey.
This exposition presents the process of preparing my master’s concert and other artistic work representing my journey as a musician and as a person so far. It is not intended as an in-depth research project as such, but aims to lay a foundation for possible research angles in the future. In this way, the exposition serves more as an artistic portfolio with reflective text.
As stated by Piazz (2017), 'In Western societies, the persona of the artist has largely been associated with prevailing myths of the creative individual including the artist as genius and outsider' (Piazz, 2017, p.6). In my inquiry, I endeavoured to understand what it means to be an artist from the perspective of my own process of creating my master’s concert. I am interested in how one constructs and navigates an artistic self (selves), and the factors that influence this process (Piazz, 2017). In order to do this, I will explore my own life to find out more about my identity as a musician. I will focus on exploring my singing and composing journey as a way to understand the process of artistic becoming, and to determine the role of creativity within this process (Piazz, 2017).
I have been practicing music for many years, beginning with the violin in 1988 and singing in 1998. The big questions that have puzzled me for many years are 'who am I?', and 'where I am going'? These questions will most probably travel within me until the day I leave this place. What makes me happy is my search to answer these questions. Nowadays, I take these questions more lightly than ever and wonder if it is even needed to know or define who I am. Perhaps even after this long journey, the answers to my questions will still remain unknown. It is likely that the same questions have always been there, at the center of all of our lives. We can also approach these questions from different angles: What creates my identity, and can it be changed over time? If my identity changes, what happens to ‘me’ in this process? Will I become a different person, with different kinds of emotions and understandings? Or does the core of ‘me’ always stay the same? What is the difference between my 'self' and my 'identity'?
The question of identity is complex and confusing, and the path of discovery may be difficult. I feel that am so close to finding the answers to my questions and invite you to share some ideas about this essential quest. What I know and feel about myself, most probably is different from other peoples perception of me. Some of my habits can give a certain image or picture to others, which may only be a small part of my being. I have learned certain kinds of languages to communicate, certain kinds of rational or physical ways of understanding life and others and all of this happens as a result of my life experiences, which have had a great impact on me. What is this identity which is so uncertain and lives in a blurry vision? My appearance comes from my genes, family, and ethnicity. My intelectual ability too. My language comes from the place in which I was born. My habits come from my environment. The question of the self and identity continues to be debated (Turino, 2008). How I can talk about my self and my identity? As Thomas Turino states,
'Nowadays people use the word identity as if it means the same thing as the self, yet it is important to differentiate the two terms conceptually because of the ways individual and collective identity function in the social world' (Turino, 2008, p. 101).
What is identity?
Before further discussing the concept of identity, which I have identified as being a complex, and multi-dimensional subject, I refer to the words of D.J. Hargreaves, D. Miell, and R.A.R. Macdonald in their chapter What are Musical Identities, and why are they important (2002).
‘The idea of the self as a kind of focus, or relatively unchanging core aspect of individuals personalities has given way to a much less static and more dynamic view of the self as something which is constantly being reconstructed and renegotiated according to the experiences, situations and other people with whom we interact in everyday life. Globalization and technological advance have led to rapid recent changes in many people’s lifestyles, and our self-identities changing correspondingly in ever more complex ways' (Hargreaves, et al., 2002, p. 6).
This project is based on my exploration of identity through the creation of music. To search for answers to my questions and position myself in this project, I will first offer some insights into my background and history. This approach is based partly on some aspects of the method of autoethnography. In their introduction to Autoethnography, Adama, Holman, and Ellis state:
Writer Joan Didion notes simply and powerfully, “we tell stories to live. In this book, we embrace Didion’s call, believing the stories we tell enable us to live and to live better; stories allow us to lead more reflective, more meaningful, and more just lives. The stories we discuss in this book—autoethnographic stories—are stories of/about the self told through the lens of culture. Autoethnographic stories are artistic and analytic demonstrations of how we come to know, name, and interpret personal and cultural experiences. With autoethnography, we use our experience to engage ourselves, others, culture(s), politics, and social research. In doing autoethnography, we confront “the tension between insider and outsider perspectives, between social practice and social constraint.”Hence, autoethnography is a research method that:
- Uses a researcher’s personal experience to describe and critique cultural beliefs, practices, and experiences.
- Acknowledges and values a researcher’s relationships with others.
- Uses deep and careful self-reflection—typically referred to as “reflexivity”
- to name and interrogate the intersections between self and society, the particular and the general, the personal and the political.
- Shows “people in the process of figuring out what to do, how to live, and the meaning of their struggles.”
- Balances intellectual and methodological rigor, emotion, and creativity.
- Strives for social justice and to make life better (Adams et al., 2014, p. 21).
Additionally, I am influenced by approaches to artistic research as a way to understand and learn from artistic processes. The term 'artistic research' has many meanings, connotations and implications, which continue to be debated globally (see, for example, Biggs 2004; Jones 2005; Kiljunen & Hannula 2002; Slager 2004). As the authors allude to, it is characterized by its continuous search for a current and convincing definition. It is a search that is not problematic in itself but, on the contrary, the plain necessity of a fruitful, self-reflective and meaningful setup. At the same time as providing the researcher with intellectual challenges and learning experiences, artistic research also participates in the development of the theoretical basis of the field. It can also enrich life and professional practices and lead to a variety of knowledge and skills, the meanings of which transcend the borders of the disciplines and forms (Biggs 2004; Jones 2005; Kiljunen & Hannula 2002; Slager 2004). In my project, I use the creation processes and artistic outcomes as data to analyse and reflect on, with the hope of gaining new insights about the formation of my identity.
I acknowledge the limitations of my study and, as I mentioned ealrier, this project does not attempt to be an in-depth artistic research project. Is it intended as a stepping stone in that direction, in the hope that I will uncover areas to dig deeper into at a later stage. With these thoughts in mind, let us take a walk together through some memories, pictures, and emotions from my past. To begin with, here is a video that shows the way I communicate with music and through music with people.
I was born in Iran, in the city called Sanandaj. My Father and Mother are Kurdish, but my Mother speaks Turkish as well and has some Turkish / Azeri roots. Both of my parents are music lovers and my mother is a lament singer, which is a style of singing that embodies sorrow and loss. My Mother actively sings on all important occasions without any need for instruments or other singers. She can improvise with melody and rhythm, as well as spontaneous words based on people and objects. I believe my ability to improvise comes from my Mother. Lyrics and melodies seem to come to me very easily in different kinds of circumstances, and I truly feel blessed to have this ability.
When I was 4 years old my family was exiled by the new Iranian government. My parents were activists and protested against the new regime of Iran. After a short time spent in prison, our whole family was forced to move out of Kurdistan to another region of Iran. That exile lasted 7 years. During this time, I found my true love and passion for art and especially music. Iranian TV had two channels in those days, and we were only able to see one of these channels on our family TV. Due to the lack of programs, they mostly showed images of nature and animals with classical music playing in the background. I would run home from school to listen to that magical sound, which came from the amazing box filled with pictures and sound. I did not know anything about music, I only knew how to turn op the volume of the TV and stayed until the end in front of that flood of sounds. Some tunes remained forever in my mind and, years later, I learned about the composers of such beautiful music like Tchaikovsky and Handel. That program was shown on TV every evening from 16:30-17 and this was my first deep connection to music.
I dreamt of developing the ability to compose, arrange, produce, and perform music, as well as write plays or make movies. This was not to show off my ego but simply the desire to create something new. When I was 12 years old I started to read about the great composers. Often, I dreamed about the life of great artists and imagined the scenes I was reading about. I loved reading biographies of people who made a great impact on art and the history of humankind. Beethoven was such a person for me, who I imagined as a hero to the people. A man with good energy and the potential to fight against the rigid rules that threatened to kill the life of society.
The great French writer, Romain Roland, worked on a biography of Beethoven’s life over a long period. He states:
´The air is heavy around us. The world is stifled by a thick and vitiated atmosphere—undignified materialism that weighs on the mind and heart hindering the work of governments and individuals alike. We are being suffocated. Let us throw open the windows that God's free air may come in; and that we may breathe the breath of heroes’ (Romain, 1980, p. 106).
I have many questions in my mind, however, for my master’s project, I chose to focus on the following main questions:
How can traveling and living in different parts of the world impact on my musical identity?
How can I create a musical framework that allows me to collaborate with musicians from diverse backgrounds?
How can I use improvisation as a means to discover and express more of my character and musical identity?
I am from the mountainous area, which is full of snow. This picture is taken in the Abidar mountains, close to the city of Sanandaj. (Internet Archive)
I have been wondering about the connection between identity and creativity. Do these two words belong to each other? On one hand, identity includes of all our characteristic, behavioral elements, which has an effect on one’s psychological mindset and being, but on the other hand, we need to take into account the role of creativity, which nurtures the artist and contributes to their identity as a human being and creator of art. Therefore, to understand more about identity, we need to understand the role of creativity. Writing about creativity, Hargreaves states:
'Creativity is a term that psychologists define in many ways and is one of the most complex, mysterious, and fascinating aspects of human behavior. The word itself can cover other words such as ability, personality, affect, and motivation; (Hargreaves, 1986, p. 143).
