Despite playing piano growing up, I did not have many opportunities to perform. Most “performances” were demonstrations of skill in instrument level examinations – Standard Grade Examination in Piano. The Exam was and still is the must-do for every child who studies music (Boyu, 2016). In the Standard Grade Examination in Piano, from level 1 to 10, 10 as the highest, I passed levels 2, 4, 7, and 9 over the time period speant learning piano. The exam usually took place in a small room with two or three judges and each exam participant played scales, arpeggios, technically demanding pieces as well as a Sonata and a Chinese piece. The whole exam lasted about half an hour with great pressure to pass the exam. The results came out a couple of weeks later.

I had two piano performance experiences. One was a concert organized by my piano teacher for all of her students performing in front of all the parents, and the other was a school piano performance. As Chinese parents and teachers never give positive feedback, all of the feedback I received was focussed on where I played wrong, what I should avoid, and how I should improve. The feedback also included a reminder to “not be proud” or “don’t be arrogant”.

Here is a list of the key elements included in this process:

- Develop confidence through improving and gaining new knowledge

- A confident attitude accelerates the learning outcome

- Positive self-image and peer support and feedback

- Nurturing individual development along-side collaborative skills in a group

- Developing confidence on stage and reducing insecurities

- Understanding the difference between musician as a person and as a performer

Identity as a Musician

The change in my identity as a musician happened very subtly and gradually. Over time it shifted from having music as a hobby, to music as a subject to study, to music as a profession. Music has always been a hobby in my life and even after I enrolled at Sibelius Academy to study music, it was still difficult for me to consider myself as a musician and it was also difficult to understand how it works as a profession. In terms of creating an identity as a musician, my studies not only provided the skills that are required to become a professional musician but also provides tools and a stage for students to collaborate and to form musical groups as a start of a professional music career. Lacking performance and band experience, I had trouble feeling comfortable within groups.  Instead, I focused more on individual instrumental training as my way to turn my hobby into a university subject. My instrumental skills improved during this time and I gained more knowledge and understanding of my instruments than ever before. However, I was still treating music as a subject without considering myself as a musician and had no idea what I could do and achieve as a musician.

After participating in school performances, watching fellow musicians’ performances and projects, as well as learning from other musicians’ experiences, I started to have a clearer understanding of having music as a profession. I corrected my misconception of the term of “musician”. I repositioned myself not only as an instrumentalist but also as a composer and song writer. The school has been a safe environment to learn, ask questions, and try new things. From only focusing on individual instrumental skills, I turned my focus also to composition, including song writing, film music, and game music, through university courses, projects as well as self-learning. These changes broadened my view of what I can do and how much more I can progress just like others. My view on the identity of musician has been brightened and my confidence in exploring new fields has been increased.

From the beginning of my studies at Sibelius Academy, I have been comparing myself to other musicians from many aspects such as instrumental skills, stage performance, entrepreneurship, etc., without considering different life and work experiences that other musicians have had. Self-image is formed through constantly comparing ourselves to others and as a result reflecting on what we do and how we perceive ourselves (Hargreaves, 2002). The constant fear of not being good enough and thinking everyone is better than me hindered my study process. I did not feel free in terms of communication and interaction. However, because the school has provided a free environment to guide and support students in developing musical skills, entrepreneurship, performing, creating and networking, I was able to progress in all aspects.

3. Developing an Artistic Identity

Every musician has their own musical pathway and learning experience, which is part of the formation of their artistic identity. Different cultural backgrounds affect the ways in which musicians view themselves as artists and evaluate their relationship between themselves and the surrounding environment. In order to discuss the discovery of my own artistic identity in the Finnish higher education environment, I will offer an overview of my previous musical learning experiences in China.

During the years when I was studying classical piano, I had early explorations in composing popular music. However, this was not encouraged or appreciated because popular music was not considered as ‘legitimate’ music. Not knowing the concept of chords or structure, I tried to compose music in a more popular style. However, those pieces or songs did not receive good feedback from my parents, because they thought of the compositions as just “messing around” (“胡闹”) and I was told I should not spend my time on music that was “not decent” (”不正经”).

1) My Music Education Background in China

Growing up in China, musical training was considered a luxury activity for average income families. The motivation to engage in music is different in children and adults.  Groups of adults and children both share motivation, passion and the need for skills, but adults may view music as a profession for income while children might choose music to avoid other activities (Lamont, 2011). In my personal experience, when I was a child, there were two reasons why my parents introduced me to the piano. One was the misconception that finger exercises help improve brain development and make children smarter. Secondly, classical music has been a respected genre of music in China and two instruments, namely piano and violin, were particularly more popular than other instruments.

3) Developing an Artistic Identity in a Intercultural Environment

As mentioned earlier, the discussion of musical identity can be seen to have two sides, including the identity of self and identity in music (Hargreaves, 2002). My experience of the ever-evolving process of artistic identity formation can be discussed from these angles: identity as a musician and identity in music. These two sides of artistic identity have been developing and interacting throughout my three years of bachelor studies.

After quitting piano at the age of 15, music has remained a hobby for me. My bachelor and master studies in non-music related fields such as literature and education as well as my study and work experiences in Europe have bridged the cultural divide for me and enabled me to intergrade into Finnish society. It is this foundation that enable me to resume music study and to be able to start the exploration of my own artistic identity.

Identity in Music

Compared to many other departments in Sibelius Academy, Global Music is a unique program in terms of there being no limitations in the roles of musician, or style of music. The multicultural environment and transcultural music making breaks the walls of genres and art forms. The purpose of this program is truly to enable each student to become unique artists in their field. The learning processes are constructed through various musical approaches derived from different cultural contexts in order to perceive the beat, the melody, the texture, the dynamic, and so on, from diverse perspectives. Each student is an asset in this program, bringing their own sound to inspire and be inspired. And each cohort presents a totally different and unique style.

School has an important influence on students’ musical identity (Hargreaves, 2002). My conception of musical style has greatly broadened, from trying to put everything into a genre box, to focus on music itself without struggling to stay in certain styles or genres. Also integrating different forms of art such as theatre, music, literature, and visual arts into my music has guided me towards something that was unknown to me before, but is surely exciting to dive deeper into. I have started to view music in a more natural way: music is a means for self-expression. As everyone is a combination of different life experiences, we are not singular creatures, so music should also have the freedom to utilize elements that are the best for expression, regardless of style, genre or art form. This approach to music is very much tolerated and encouraged in the global music program. Due to the open environment and strong support from the program, the process of self-exploration and discovery of my own sound becomes much easier.

2) Understanding of art forms

My understanding of art forms was limited to musical genres, of which I had little knowledge. There were only three divisions of music when I was growing up: western classical music, Chinese music, and popular music. Other genres or sub genres were seldom talked about, not to mention fusions or multidisciplinary art forms. Having studied classical piano as a child, the form of music had always been limited to the musical forms in classical music, such as minuet, sonata or concerto, for example. However, because of the lack of music theory studies offered, I learned only later during my bachelor’s studies in China about the differences in classical music forms. Music was not considered a means for free expression, but rather a skill needed to pass instrumental level exams or gain an extra qualification.