Resilience emerged with the beginning of my research on groove. As an action to embody groove I started falling. More precisely, I explored my body’s relation to gravity. Zooming in on my body's relation to gravity helped me connect to resilience. At first, I wasn’t sure where resilience fit in, and I wasn’t sure if resilience was really what it was that had emerged. What I have identified is that resilience is not a central part of my research, nevertheless, it holds an important place in the way I relate to my personal experiences in the frame of my creative choreographic practice and to the way I aim to impact the world around me. I am a true believer that the environment a work is created in and the values it carries impact the performance, that the journey with the piece transcends to the stage and can influence audiences, but most importantly, the people working in and around the production. I find sharing my experience with falling relevant.
As my mom fell in the metro in Paris, I was in shock. I have to say here that she is healthy and came out of this accident unscathed. How she fell, flat back and backward, is very revealing. There was no attempt to spiral or catch herself; she was falling, and so she fell. With age, her relationship to gravity has changed, and she is more afraid or careful with her approach to the floor. I wonder if more flexibility in her state of mind would have altered her fall, or if more flexibility in her mind would inform flexibility in her body.
This quote from Emilyn Claid’s book Falling through Dance and Life helps contextualize the feelings I experienced after the fall. It is a series of questions asked following an exercise where one watches the other fall.
“When I was falling, did you want to reach out and bring me back up to standing? Did you want to make me feel better? Did you feel shame or embarrassment when you were falling yourself because I was watching? Were you embarrassed to witness me falling? Did you want to laugh? As we are relational, empathic beings, did you feel in some way you were losing me? Was there sadness?” (Claid, 2021, p. 179)
When my mom fell, I thought I was losing her. This is where my fall began. I jumped in a taxi, jumped over the barrier of the metro, then I saw her lying there, immobile; she had fallen. I felt myself continue to fall, but for the sake of my son, I pushed away from the floor and remained standing. In retrospect, I’m not sure I have yet allowed myself to complete the fall.
You can follow the way I work with choreographic scores and Bonano's flexibility sequence, and how they have an influential role in my work.
In his book The End of Trauma, Bonanno (2024) introduces the thought “that when we rely on a one-size-fits-all list of key traits of resilience, we always come up short.” (Bonano, 2024, p. 15) The idea of having a list of resilient traits one either possesses or not, does not acknowledge that resilience is a moving target that needs adaptive strategies. As we respond to a traumatic event, the secondary effects caused by the event provoke stress; one needs time to adapt to these changes (Bonano, 2024, p.15). In some situations, Bonano (2024) identifies that even traits that might be identified as beneficial, like seeking contact with others or expressing emotions, might not always be what we need. “In other words, we have to be flexible.” (Bonano, 2024, p. 16) As someone who doesn’t like rigidity in the way I live, I find great comfort in the thought that every situation requires its own set of actions, that there is room for adapting and changing strategies. Bonano (2024) suggests the flexibility process comprising two components: the flexibility mindset and the flexibility sequence. They work together, making it hard to distinguish them, intertwining in ways that provide an adaptive strategy for a road toward successful recovery. (Bonano, 2024, p.170)
“Flexibility is not resilience. Flexibility is the process we use to adapt ourselves to traumatic stress so that we can find our way to resilience.” (Bonano, 2024, p.121) Bonano’s (2024) flexibility sequence comprises three key steps: context sensitivity, repertoire and feedback monitoring. Context sensitivity is the awareness of our surroundings, of the situation at hand and “the ability to detect changes in contextual cues”. (Bonano, 2024, p. 178) In this step, we assess the situation on a basic level, asking “What is happening to me?”, “What is the problem?”, and “What do I need to do to get past it?” (Bonano, 2024, p. 176) Repertoire is our toolkit, the skills we need to move forward. Assessing what we already know and if there is a need to learn new skills is part of adapting our repertoire to the unique situation at hand. “The question changes from 'What do I need to do?' to 'What am I able to do?’ (Bonano, 2024, p. 182) There is no recipe as to what works; each situation is unique, and every tool in the repertoire has costs and benefits. Part of what makes the flexibility sequence adaptive is the third step: feedback monitoring. Based on the outcomes of our actions using the tools in our repertoire, there is continuous evaluation of the chosen strategies, allowing for necessary adjustments to be made. All of this is woven through and made possible with the flexibility mindset, which is made up of optimism about the future, confidence in our coping abilities and viewing threats as challenges. It is important to note here that the three components of the flexibility mindset do not operate on their own but rather “interact and complement each other in a way that multiplies their individual impact. And collectively they produce a robust conviction, a mindset, that says, in effect, “I will not fail. I will find a way to deal with this challenge.” (Bonano, 2024, p.123) I invite you to follow the way I work with choreographic scores relating to Bonano's flexibility sequence.
I define resilience as the process of finding one's centre, what it takes for someone to move toward a balanced state after a traumatic event, and how the process toward equilibrium can be used to generate drive and inspiration, bringing forth creativity and change.
I’m sensitive
I sense
Very sensitive
perhaps
I see
I feel
I adapt
I change
I chameleon
I question and I boil
Under the surface
Seemingly calm and
Composed
Many iterations of Julie
When relating resilience to my choreographic practice, particularly the making of choreographic scores, I draw parallels between Bonano’s flexibility sequence and the way dancers respond to improvisational scores. In a score, I provide parameters that create a situation or frame the dancers operate in and react to. Similar to a traumatic event, the score created is unique, and so are the actions needed in response. Due to the ephemeral and repetitive nature of dance, the conditions the score is performed in are always changing and require ever-changing approaches. Is there an audience present in the room? What is the temperature? What is occupying my mind? What is the space telling me? However, unlike recovery after a traumatic event, scores have a definite time in which they exist, and the dancers get the opportunity to practice multiple times to gain knowledge of their actions and the reactions or results they provoke. This is an advantage and a disadvantage. The advantage is that the repertoire needed can be developed and refined, and sensitivity to the context can be tuned as we learn from experiencing the score. We are also constantly feed-backing on the lived experience, reflecting on the goal. The disadvantage is that as we get to know the score, the tendency is to fall back on successful actions, listening less to the present moment. In my observations working with dancers (and being one myself), the tendency to repeat working mechanisms without questioning their relevance to the present moment is related to the need to control outcomes. So, how do we stay true to the moment and ourselves when performing scores? I sense here a strong relationship with the flexibility mindset (optimism, confidence and challenges). As a performer and a maker, having the confidence that whatever happens will have a positive outcome and that challenges will bring growth and new information that can feed the work positively are meaningful mindsets that can help us stay present, in the moment.
I will now take you through the three steps of the flexibility sequence relating to my method of developing scores, in particular, the score for “développé”. Développé is a capsule in Lost Threads based on a score I have devised where the 2 dancers react in the moment to their own impulses and each other. It asks: When am I on my own, and when can I lean on you for support? The score sets the frame and creates the space where the dancers will react, using the tools that are partly mentioned in the score and partly come from their personal skill set. It is the context they will respond to as they assess what is needed. They first tune into the present moment: How am I? How is my partner? What is the room telling me? This step is constantly called upon and is a way of tuning into the score. It is a practice that oversees the whole: a connection to the self (body and mind), the other(s) in space and the space. We practice tuning in by practicing a guided improvisation, going through the score of the piece and calling upon qualities, words, each other and the space.
This is the score for développé:
Co-creation. My development depends on me, but it also depends on you to support and make it possible.
- Continue the running path you are on (from the end of the previous capsule)
- Once you hear the text “developpé, developpé,” begin instantly
- You overwhelm yourself with developpés from as many body parts as possible
- Don’t judge your decisions, you are in the “doing” mode
- Impulsive -> intentional
- Begin to slow down and take pauses
- Free -> posed, logical, clear, focused
- Insert intentional developpés practicing grounding the support and articulating the extension
- Individual -> co-creation
- Repeat when needed
- Make your way to the other, intentionally developing alongside each other, then with each other
In the case of the choreographic score for développé, not only are the parameters very clear, but part of the repertoire is also predetermined. Instructions like “Overwhelm yourself, don’t judge your decisions, you are in the 'doing' mode” entail that part of the repertoire is to keep moving and producing movement: to simply “do”. We develop the movement language before the score is defined.
The personal repertoire that the dancers bring into the work, their repertoire in response to tasks linked to their personal experience and technique, contributes greatly to the outcome of the score. An important question for the performers becomes: How does this tool serve the score right now, and is it the right one? What Bonano (2024) describes in the flexibility sequence as feedback monitoring is, for me, the essential step to keep the score in the now. It keeps the dialogue open between the dancer and the environment. Feedback monitoring keeps us at bay from (re)using tools or actions that have worked in the past, or that we have already received positive feedback from, requiring constant (or punctual) observation of the space, the time, the movement and the story.
I find it revealing that one of my early reflections on resilience, before I read Bonano’s research, related to flexibility. I see that in my life, and as a choreographer, checking in with myself to remain flexible has allowed me to recover from unplanned events. As I write this, my day has only partly gone according to plan. The rest of the day has been a series of shifts, adaptations, distractions, negotiations… It isn’t ideal, but it allows me to keep going while caring for 2 young children.
