“Do you always check a ditch when you walk past one?”
“Check for what?”
“Are you afraid of bodies of water in general?”
“Hmm.. don’t think so.”
“Do you have a partner?”
“In one way or another”
“What is that supposed to m- ”
“Well, there is somebody I love a lot and talk to every day, but I wouldn’t call my partner.”
“Do you have a child?”
“Not that I know.”
The questions of this morning just as easily proceeded during the talk of this afternoon.
“We still need your report from SenseLab, will you email it shortly?”
“Oh, really? It feels so strange to capture it like that, can’t I give a slideshow or talk with you instead? I have a lot of pictures t- ”
“Don’t make it to hard for yourself, just write the thing, we don’t need to see a hundred pictures.”
“Ok, alright, then.”
“Oh, and could you also send the assessment from SenseLab’s part?”
“Ehm, oh I didn’t know you needed that”
“Yeah, we just need like a page and a grade.”
“Oh, a grade! But if the spz is gonna grade I-”
“Just send us the page, and we’ll grade it instead.”
That’s why I asked to at least write the page collectively. I refused to be ‘assessed’ by one person if I never was with one person, how can one write it, I wish the spaz could just do the writing instead. This collective word file is the simplest and closest thing to it I could think of for now.
“I thought for the second reader it could also just be under the name of the spaz, instead of one per- ”
“Oh no, it has to be a person, and that person needs to have a PhD.”
“Ah ok, I think I’ll choose someone I have had sex with.”
Too bad they never heard that last comment. I think I really broke my foot. I heard you can break it gradually, instead of having one instant in which the bone breaks. This is often caused by exhaustion. No wonder my left foot has decided to no longer carry me through these sad streets! This day has had a lot of interesting walking techniques already. From sliding to hopping to taking the elevator, walking on the toes, to walking on the heel, to making circles instead of straight lines.
“What happened to your left foot?”
“I started sleepwalking again. A practice from the old days.”
“Do you have a hard time falling asleep at night?”
“No, but I do wake up from the nightly visitors nibbling on my toes. I guess that’s why my left foot stopped being able to hold my weight pressed on this world by the neurotypical forces. My left foot is the one closest to the window, you see.”
“Do you often strangely experience reality? Like you feel as if your senses alter things, or you hear or see things other people don’t.”
Oh, the answer to that question she liked. Whenever she likes the question, I hear the sounds of her keyboard. As soon as I hear the first fingertip on the key, I quickly alter my answer. Nooo, I don’t want her to capture me this way! What if we had this talk 1 hour earlier and I would’ve felt completely different, the sun rays had entered the room on my knees instead of the tableside close to them. I see best when I hold my fingers on the side of my eyes and push the skin backwards. It is tricky to bike like that. I don’t like ghosts expressed in too human vocabularies. I’m listening to a song called The Visit. I tried to find back my notes from this afternoon, and I see I didn’t write after the ones from last week, but, hop! in the middle. It was out of the ordinary, but obvious in the nameless place. We were met on the visit.
“Don’t you ever feel the smile on your face as a form of a self-inflicted wound?”
“Hm, well maybe after some weird social event. Like the time I met the family, I had never met before, but they wrote me letters for ten years. When I arrived, they had a little sign saying ‘Welcome [my name] to our home!’. After all the presents and hospit(ypic)ality, I felt my smile burning in my cheeks the whole ride home.”
“Do you sometimes feel as if time moves in a way that is out of joint? Like a film in slow motion or fast forward.”
“Oh yes very often, don’t y- ”
Again, the typing sounds. A ball being kicked around outside. Clothes were parading on the laundry rack.
“I am meeting someone at 10 ‘o'clock.”
“Who are you meeting? What’s the name?”
“Oh I’m not sure, I was already glad I made it here, with the ferry and the bike and the broken foot.”
“You should really come more prepared next time.”