F55

church , mother, sister, reiki , strength, therapist , forget , embroider , manic depression , phone booth , chapel , guesthouse, hypnosis, women, Holy Mary , sun, sea

What do you mean by this? To change for the better?

Ok, I get it, Either to become something else or to go somewhere else.

I do that. I mean, where I live, in my house, we didn't talk to anyone in the neighbourhood. That was because my mom suffered from manic depression, she was a mess all her life. So, everyone asked for gossip, How's your mom doing, the other thing and stuff, and we couldn't even go to church -where I really wanted to go- to because there were all the old people and all the weirdos asking. That wasn't an appeal, it was...nothing.

And now I'm with P. my partner, he lives on an island close to Athens-I met him here in the guesthouse where I was staying. Now his dad is in a nursing home, he's probably on his last legs because he fell and hit his head. P. says to me, "You like going to church, there's a church there on the beach, Agios Nikolaos” -it’s not the same saint I was going to when I was at home. I went and I prayed to the Virgin Mary, I was also very depressed at that time and I remember vividly going to the church he suggested but I felt like the time when I was in the other church back home, and I was sitting, I went suddenly back to 1998. 

What I mean is, that even if I go to another one, not to my neighbourhood church, I have found a way to approach what I want, I mean I have found another way. I used to go to that chapel back then, now at Christmas I went to the other one, and so I continue on my own way. If I say to my sisters, for example, that on the Feast of Lights, on my name day I will go to church, they will shout at me, they will tell me “what you are doing in church all the time?” But even if I would go to my old church now, they are all strangers there, ok, there are a few old ones but many are strangers. So, I don’t feel like you should feel when you go to church, I feel indifferent, this is not church. 

I would once like to manage to focus on myself, that would be very nice, to manage that.

To have the power to be as I want to be in the church, like the icons that we liturgize. But focusing on myself I think is very appropriate. To go to church and not care about anything, like Superman. To do it like him, no one is looking at him, changes his costume and goes off to save the world or Lois. For me church is a like this phone booth. A place of change and miracle. And healing.  I used to be very depressed, and now it's gone. And my therapist is fantastic, she's a gift from heaven. 

I do recognize Superman, the other one not, and Star Trek was on TV back in the day, wasn't it? They used to beam. The power Superman has impresses me. And the strength of will that wants to do good and help and has fallen in love with that Lois lady. Yes, the strength, because I go to Reiki in addition to church and I had recently been to my therapist and she was telling me to work on my strength. 

My sister used to tell me that, whenever I think of something, I shouldn't say it because it loses its power. And so now I have the words in my head and I don't tell my sister anything, I just asked her if she had any books on power. She pulled out some about the power of women and also the power of hypnosis. I don't know these well, especially about hypnosis, but I'll read the books because they sound interesting to me. And I won't tell my sister anything because she'll make fun of me and say, now at your age you've decided to read about power?

I want to learn something. I embroider, and I used to draw little fish on rocks. That's what I do for art. I regret not doing something after high school like everyone else. That's when I was depressed and couldn't. Now I can. I'd rather do practical stuff than intellectual stuff, because I forget. I like to take care of myself.  I have achieved a transformation or many small ones. When I wasn't focusing on myself, I didn't even want to go to church. But I know now that I loved the Holy Mother because my mother was not a typical one. So, in contrast I had the Blessed Mary and I loved her.

Device: church, strength

Transition: spiritual, cosmic

Interface: therapy