Tomber amoureux,, people ,god, psychosis , reality , universe, performing , blanket , invent , hide , kryptonite , disturbed , dance


This guy needs to hide to transform himself into a superhero to save the city and the citizens and people who need help. Actually, there was a story with a stone called kryptonite, but I don't remember exactly if he swallows it or if he has to avoid it -something like this. I think he can fly and he can read very quickly just by touching a book. He might also have laser in his eyes but I'm not so sure. He's super muscular and kind of attractive on the left image. He goes to the telephone booth to hide while transforming himself. I think that’s because this costume is under his daily outfit. So, he already hides something. If there is an emergency, he transforms and changes his appearance in order to reveal himself as a Superman, so he's kind of undercover in the society, always ready to react in the name of justice.
I cannot say which illustrator did this picture but it looks like the beginning of the story when Alice falls in the rabbit hole and she's here and some elements of the story are already represented with the Queen of Hearts, the Hatter from the Tea Party, and some disorganization of the space. Kind of a falling and also disturbed perception of herself with her own figure and a mirror reflection maybe like being in the universe, you know, at this moment of falling but still floating in the space so it could be something out of gravity. It is interesting that it is a fall. Actually, it could be a transfer or it could be a transformation but here Alice is falling down a new world, which is a fantasy world. And maybe there is also a relation to falling in love. which also exists in French; “tomber amoureux” means the same.
This one that's, I can imagine the Star Trek because the name of the spaceship is Enterprise. I never really understood why. I just know that one of the main characters is called Spock, has these strange ears and I have seen maybe one episode but not more. Apparently, it seems there is a tele-transportation moment where they are now- these are great. They aggregate the body and become transparent and reconstitute themselves somewhere else. And they need to be in this kind of shower-like beams, because it's kind of reducing the space you know, they're not entering a room. They're just going under a light, which makes them disappear.
That’s why for me teleportation is related to the universe. When you are in need, you might have to come up with something magical. I mean, that's how I see it. Seems that we need impossibilities. That’s why we read or listen to fiction. We need fantasy. I am always observing, noticing how creative is the human to invent solutions to impossibilities. So, for me, God is an invention related to our limited understanding of what is the universe and what is beyond life. I think we can invent a lot to fill in the gaps of understanding and perception.
When I'm dancing, in a way I transform because I'm performing. So, it's more than daily life. It's kind of addition to my being, and that's something that I need. So sometimes I go dance in the streets because I need to be seen and I need to act and to perform.
Twice this week I wore women’s dress and went on my daily life, in the streets, the university, taking the train and so on. Because I wanted to feel that, to match with some choreographies of Trajal Harrell, which impressed me so much. Or some films also where men are wearing dresses. When I did this in public, I got into performative behaviour. Just by doing that, I felt performing and I felt in one way different. And it was interesting.
When I'm performing, music is kind of the device, that transcendence aspect. It’s because it brings me in another emotional state, which could be very far away. I can really go far. into trance when I listen to music and also where there are flashing lights. And this is basically the device of a club. Yes maybe a club with music, like ”We will rock you” from The Queen for example, and flashing colourful lights, could be a device. But there is also the aspect of the mass of people.
Also my way of contemplation; if I stop somewhere and I fix my eyes on a very close point, then I can get dizzy. Sometimes it happens when I walk in the streets. I notice I'm looking a bit down. I'm looking where my feet are going, not really on me but that downward perspective. But if I look really there where I’m going, it's very strange, because then I'm working with a huge perspective - you should try it. It’s like expanding your drive, that you can fall into the horizon and go further and further. This sometimes freaks me out.
But at the same time, looking at the stars is something that I truly dislike, something that I get so disturbed by. When it was a child or young adult it was ok, but now I don't like so much to look at the stars, because it's too huge for me. I cannot stand to imagine that they're so far away and I see their light and there is this nothing between us. And that's something concrete but it’s burning something inside me, it's too much. And astronomy is something that I try to avoid intellectually. It is very abstract and even talking about this infinity can bring me in a very bad place.
And it is the same when we talk about transformation -since I mentioned that I got psychosis, this kind of drift of losing reality, losing the tracks and perception of what is real, it’s huge and it's an interesting topic. But that’s because it brings the question what is reality? And actually, on the note of my tablets is written “this medicine is for treatment of people who lose the common sense of reality”. So it's kind of a very short description of the fact that actually reality is a convention. If all people agree that this is great, then this is great. But for me, for instance, who am also color-blind, green or red could be mixed up and I would see something green and actually it's red. Still for me, it's green. It's just that there are more people saying that it's red, so that's the reality that has been defined.
Very spontaneously, a tool that I would like to have available for transforming myself, would be a magic stick like in Harry Potter because it’s so common. You don’t really need huge amounts of energy and laser beams, you just move it. Or a gesture. Which also makes sense for dance -my profession- a movement is something very quick that you can always use for change.
Just to say about magic. It's something I was fully into when I was in psychosis. And it’s something that I tried to deny in a very strong way. And then nowadays, I get a bit surprised when magical stuff is happening because I know and I see that yes, it really happens. And if I accept that there is stuff bigger than me that I cannot control, it is a time to let go. But still, I of courseI try prayers or rituals to influence things.
I was by the lake, a frozen lake, close to St Moritz and I was walking with my boyfriend and out of nowhere I said to him “Hey, you know, if the cat of the house where I was living before, dies, we should go to the burial”. This came out of nowhere. When I came back home, I took my phone and I checked my messages. And my flatmate who still lived in that house, wrote me that the cat died one hour ago. That was the moment where I was saying that thing to my boyfriend by the lake. I was happy to have him with me as a witness that this really happened.
Another time I was in a meeting, and before starting we did an exercise that was to form pairs and wish a gift for the other person. So, we were two by two and I gave my hands to the person who I was paired with. And in my head, I was thinking it would be so nice to get a blanket. I love blankets. I have five six blankets in my bed and then that person said, I wish you a blanket!
My last word: A book is the perfect teleportation and transformation device.


Device: gesture, magic stick, book
Transition: telepathic, performative
Interface: club (music, mass, flashing lights)