PHYSICALITY
TRANSLATING THE ROPES
(as movement language, in body)
TRANSLATING THE HEAVYNESS
(as movement language, in body & face)
TRANSLATING THE PAIN
(as intension, in body & face)
THE (UN)FAMILIAR FEELING OF
DEPRESSION, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND LONELYNESS
RESEARCHING THE THIN LINES BETWEEN
HAPPYNESS AND SADNESS
FREEDOM AND STUCKNESS
REALNESS AND FAKENESS
?WHAT'S HAPPY?WHAT'S SAD
?WHAT'S FREE?WHAT'S STUCK
?WHAT'S REAL?WHAT'S FAKE
“Not knowing where else to find,
who’s truly honest and kind.
To this so called ‘wonderful human being’,
thats been broken by overseeing…”
CHILDHOOD (Area 1) = HAPPIEST, MOST EXCITED TIME
TEENAGER (Area 2) = DARKEST, LOWEST POINT
CURRENT (Area 3) = FINDING BALANCE INSIDE DISBALANCE
TEENAGER (Area 2)
as a teenager, I experienced Downplay
as a teenager, I perceived the world as a Play
"Go little more in the research and play a bit more with it."
- I tried this time to go more into myself by starting from within. In stead of with my previous work going from the outside, visual inspirations, seeing what I already have to work from. This allowed me to start from an emotional point, to dive into the research deeper and be more playful with whatever came out. I also then could see that setting material to the fullest doesn't help me, so I translated this playfulness into my structure by using improvisation as a guide throughout the piece.
"You have a rather rigid way in approaching your process. There is a need of control."
- I tried with this creation process and the solo to let go more, to not know anymore. The only thing for me still is that with my creations, I would like to send out a meaning and the meaning to me needs to be clear to transfer this from within to out. Even if everyone, the audience, people around see it differently then I still want to transmit a clear story. So, in that there's a need to hold myself onto this message, meaning, but at the same time I tried to let go of how it would look like. And then my approach, starting from the emotions, helped me a lot to stay true to my feelings without knowing how it looks eastheticly. It helped me starting from somewhat inside, to then less be in control.
BASED ON PAST TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE
PART 1
The feeling when you think you meet genuine people, you feel happy to meet them. But then deep down you feel somethings up, yet you try to play along and not adapt to their fakeness. You try to stay real, for yourself to fit in. Yet you also start to feel stuck, more stuck till you break. Feeling alone in a room full of people.
PART 2
The feeling when you get backstabbed by those people, finally you see how fake people can be. You realise what they did behind your back, they expose you and your deepest vulnerable stuff. It feels akward, feels like the whole world is watching you. You feel exposed and it's not what you wanted. It's not in your hands anymore, other people take control over your situation.
PART 3
The feeling of taking control into your own hands by choosing to end your life to make others feel better. The feeling of wanting to dissapear completely, so no one will ever have to see you anymore. Feeling alone, the lonelyness is eating you up. The only way out is killing yourself, yet you can't.
PART 4
The feeling of completely losing control, the madness in your head takes over because you can't kill yourself. Seeing things to live for, passion and love... your future. Yet not knowing where to find these real connections, realness in life. Going crazy because you lost your true love. The madness haunts your mind, your being and yet you accept that this is a part of you and your life. Knowing this and accepting because you're so called strong and real to keep on living with this pain by overseeing.
"Allowing someone in, in the moment."
- I allowed more people in, at different moments of the process. This because I wanted different viewpoints, analysis,... at different places into my process. I showed in the beginning of my process my stuff to a good friend, on video. Who gave me then new ideas to work further on, which also shaped me and the process into a new direction. I then in the middle of my process showed it to different people who all gave me new input, that I could take with me inside the work. This helped me to make choices about what I wanted with the work, and also helped me to clear the definition on receiving 'feedforwards'.
LAYERING METHOD
Created an own method to define material more.
Layering method consisting of different questions to approach your created material:
- specify the physicality
? what's my physicality/movement quality
with each step of the material you have created, you specify and describe actively what you do physically
- specify the intention
? what's my intention/feeling
with each step of the material you have created, you specify and describe actively what you do emotionally
- specify the 'story'
? what's my story/imagination
with each step of the material you have created, you specify and describe actively what you do storywise
- specify the space
? what's my relation in space/position in space
with each step of the material you have created, you specify and describe actively what you do spacially
- specify the gaze
? what's my gaze/eyes doing
with each step of the material you have created, you specify and describe actively what you do with the eyes
- specify the music
? what's my relation to music
with each step of the material you have created, you specify and describe actively what you do musically
Les Boréades, RCT 31, Acte 1 - Rameau
- this song gave me the intent, feeling I was researching. it helped me to go first from the emotion to the physicality. it had also a subtile undertone, something more mysterious. and that was exactly what I wanted to trigger and use as fuel to the process.
- the song inspired me before. I got to dance to it in my pre education as a pat of a score improv structure. and this somehow kept me busy to create something on this again, but more in depth. I felt the need to dive more into this song, and what it actually did to me then as an inspirational source.
Red Armor - Niki Istrefi
- this song felt perfect to express the madness. i felt always an urge to use this song somehow, because it inspired me and allowed me to feel something more. the madness, that im speaking of, was also what triggered me while improvising to this song. the song gave a sense of support to research the madness, and yet find my way out of it.
- i once was jamming with olga together in a studio, we do this a lot, and she putted this song. and we went really playfully into some sort of jumping around in space which gave me a startingpoint of the research.