I took a breath and the only prepping i did over the holidays was make a warm-up, figure out the rehersal days and book some studios.

Alas, by the second rehearsal i sunk into the roll of "choreographer". I guess. Maybe sink in isnt the right term but "bullshitting some confidence is". 

I dont really know what happened but it just because easier to relay my thoughts and visions of the piece. what also helped with this was the cards i made for myself during the first process. i made these mindmap cards to help me embody the qualities and intentions of each section of the solo. So, after each section i would give Julia the card that related to the section we just learned. It became a good reference point for me to teach the choreography from.

Well, in the beginning there was no panic. I think i just felt relief after completing my solo and i guess i glamorized the solo bis as a bit of a break for myself. So, going into the holidays i a bit ladida. 

However, the panic sank in. And it sank in hard with the added bonus of holiday drinking hangxiety. The idea of being responisble for another body, planning rehersals, how am i going to teach my solo to another person? Will they like doing my solo? did i make the right choice with my dancer? And how the fuck do i reserve a studio?!?

first rehearsal jitters: 

I had no idea what i was doing. It felt very weird to tell someone what to do. I have always been a bit of a follower and now i had to make choices for my dancer and make clear and direct choices for my dancer because there is no way for her to know what is going on in my brain.

From the very first moment of the rehearsal i became so aware of the words that came out of my mouth and the power that these words held. Which made me very hyper-critical about they way i word things 

As the process nears an end with Julia i am forced to look back on my process in creating this solo. Yes it was a hard period for me but i dont understand why i was so hard on myself. I wish i could look at myself doing the solo the way i look at julia doing the solo. She looks so beautiful dancing it. 

I guess this something to keep in mind as i go into the process of the solo trits.