As i start this process once again I am greeted by this line. A thought that can't leave my mind. A starting point for the next chapter of my tales from the sea.
After the first solo I made a choice to already start researching for my solo trits in December/January when I was back in Ireland for the holidays.
I had an urge to visually see what I was working from. And I was also curious as to how my view would change of the flaggy shore with it being mid-winter.
I drove up there on a very windy and rainy day to collect seaweed for the garden. As my parents slaved away scooping seaweed into a trailer, I went on a walk around a small island connected to the mainland by a tidal causeway. I first observed the surrounding. The sea and the sky were blending into each other with a mutual grey, but you saw a small separation because of the white horses rising on the waves. There was a small old cottage that was placed in a cove, with its own little harbour on the other side of the bay. And beyond yonder, you could see the tops of hedgerows and trees bent backwards by the wind and frozen by the salt of the sea.
It was a fully sensory experience dancing there. Every single element around me was influencing my body. It felt like I was in a tube, and I was being spun around by the wind. Every limb was being torn into different directions. But it was calm. Like this was how it was meant to be. Contentment.
The sounds around me where so overwhelming. Maybe that was also because every time the wind howls you were hit with a gust of wind that would blow right through you and shake your bones. And as I walked my ears were satisfied by the crunching of rocks and seashells under my boots. And to round it off, the crashing of the waves. When all three of these elements come together it is the sweetest angelic harmony you will ever hear. It feels so big, but at the same time it compresses your whole body inwards.
Stormy, wild, and rough. The only words I can use to describe the conditions right now. I’m finding it quite hard to write now. the wind rushing at my face. It’s almost impossible to find space in the gust to breathe.
If I let my body, go I start tumbling backwards uncontrollably. Like tumbleweed. Or in my case seaweed.
You can’t help but notice the trees. Bent by the wind and frozen into a kinetic shape for eternity by the sea salt.
The space was giving so many elements to work with, so it was quite hard to just pick one. But I found a strong movement quality that was really working in my body and that was the qualities of the tree. I think the imagery of a bent tree into an almost horizontal position is super beautiful. And for me it’s a very good starting position for further physical research.
Other musicians that inspired me in this process were Kali Malone. I also ended up using her music in the final product as well. Both have this ethereal entity surrounding their music.
Considering that my piece is about my past and present experiences at the Flaggy shore I wanted to put kíla into the piece because the music has such a nostalgic and kinder feel. And on a layer deep deep deep down, my piece is really about the inner child.
To follow if the footsteps of my last solo I wanted to use an Irish musician and or Celtic influenced music. My first gut feeling was Kíla. When I was dancing on the shoreline that story day the music, I had in my head was theirs. I decided to do my further movement research on their music and see what happens
Each brought out very different qualities when exploring the image of the tree. Kali Malone gave a more compressed slowness, while Kíla gave a lightness and childlike quality. Both were very fluid in their fields. Two ends of my movement spectrum. Two different elements from the landscape. The growing of the tree, the holding of the trees windswept shape in slow motion. And then the sped-up version. The lightness and sporadicness of the gusts of wind and how it throws the tree into all different directions. But not violently. Still soft. Getting swept away with the wind like getting swept away by the fairies.
Songs of the sea: Kíla is the sea. When I hear their music, I am transported to the coast. Specifically, by the song “Katy’s Tune”. This song was my first choice. And although I deviated from it I kept coming back to it. So, I ended up sticking this piece of music for my final piece.
And for the final piece I also ended up using a kali Malone tune called: Does Spring Hide its Joy v1.1
During this process I was really searching for tasks and rituals to aid me in being productive with myself creating. Now, I understand that I could have avoided this search by working on someone else. However, I am also a performer and I want to get to a level with myself that I can create on myself from a non-bias perspective; and in my case I feel like using someone else would almost be an easy way out of dealing with a lot of things. And it would only be a temporary fix, sooner or later I would have to create on myself so, why not deal with it now? So, I set out on a very short and intense journey to heal and find healthy ways of creating.
Arms became a very dominate property of my research. So, a lot of vogue and waacking influence came into play. Also playing with arm articulation. Soft, hard, glitchy, waving, a mixture of all. They are my communication tool, there are a shield, they are a doorway.
6th of march
Today I am walking into the studio feeling defeated. My mind is going everywhere and nowhere. My body is so tired. And I feel like I am going to burst into tears at any moment. but on the other hand, I feel very motivated to finish my solo. I have a very strong urgency to be here. And I think deep down I am excited to be here and I’m excited to dance my piece. I feel fear to do it as well, but I think it’s a fear of how it is going to make me feel. I thinks it’s a fear that I will feel good doing it. there is a real inner conflict, and my inner critic is losing the fight.
22nd of Feb
Feeling calm walking into the space. Maybe it’s because it came to me. Not sure. Something is in the works now anyways. Pretty sure it’s in 3.3 parts. It will hold new and old elements. I want the sections to have more organic transitions between. Gonna make the mix more fluent. Something beautiful is being manifested.
24th of Feb
A bit tipsy walking into the studio today. I was drinking wine at brunch. I’m just here for a good time today, I think. I have a lot to do so I have a lot of anxiety right now. But I just want to really focus on enjoying myself in the studio today. Sometimes you must make sacrifices, so you focus and make yourself feel better.
I explored lots of small Irish artists such as Ye Vagabonds, Lankum, and Rufus Nightjar. It was a bit of an unconscious choice to research on Irish music. But I think it gave intention to the movement very quickly and organically.
4th of march
Walking I to the studio today I feel content. I feel like I made a good decision. If it’s not healthy, why do it? some would say for documentation but, some would also say that my writing right now is also a form of documenting my creative process. Just because I can’t watch myself right now doesn’t mean I will never be able to watch myself. I think to become and better choreographer, dancer, and human I need to do this. I need to take care of myself. I need to dance for myself. I need to create for myself. I need to remove unhealthy habits and behaviours. I think for most dancers of my generation there is an online expectation. Thank you, Instagram. A panic for everything to be Instagram worthy. And I think a lot of dancers go into the studio with an unconscious urge to ‘produce’ something to post. Why? Who knows. But I know for myself that it is a very true statement that I am claiming. Its only in the last 30 years that filming has become more accessible. Before then filming dance was a real effort. So, people were documenting in a very different way. I’m hoping this change helps my work and enhances feeling and makes me focus solei on feeling while dancing. And that this is the change I need to make to being more content with myself.
23rd of Feb
Feeling nervous walking into the studio today. Think I’m just a little uneasy after watching the videos of myself from yesterday. Getting upset with myself again. I want to be able to look at myself and say that I am good enough. I think this feeling of seeing myself as a bad dancer will never go away. It’s going to be the battle of my life. It’s just about appreciating the good days more and not focusing on the bad days as much, or just except them when they come.
The ritual I formed is basic, but it was very effective in some cases. When I went into the studio, I would keep my headphones on until I have put down my bags, taken off my shoes and coat. Then I would close the mirrors because the less I see the more I disassociate from myself. I would then take out my laptop and connect to the speaker and but on some happy, upbeat music. I then proceed to writing about how I feel walking into the studio that day. And I did this every day I rehearsed. Sometimes it helped sometimes it brought stuff up that hindered that rehearsal. But I think for the most part is was very helpful, specifically with connecting my mind and my body.
11th of march
Coming into the studio today I feel really inspired to create. For the first time in a long time. I will do what I want to do. Not going to plan my time. Obviously at some point I will have to get shit done. But for now the studio is a place for me to have fun and jump around to some good music.
This is a research video of one of my first studio sessions working on my solo. Exploring the spirals, some exstention with a hint of ballet, and starting to experiment with the shape of the tree.
Books
Twyla Tharp – The creative habit
What I liked about this book was that the knowledge is obtainable to anyone. Her writing makes the information super accessible, and it makes u feel capable of creating. Or at least that is how it made me feel. I quite like the exercises that she gave at the end of each chapter. It gives a very nice practical element to it.
To continue, her real-world examples made it very personal. Which then made it more relatable because she was once us, a young dancer/maker trying to find her voice and her way.
I learned a lot about taking time from this book. Taking time and focusing on the days rather than the minutes. It was defiantly a good book to read in the 3rd year, I was able to jump in and out. Once chapter one month and another one in the next. And it was nice that it was not only focusing on the perspective of a choreographer, but it’s also a book that is meant for all walks of artists. So, the exercises and the chapters have an interdisciplinary feel to them.
Johnathan Burrows – A Choreographers handbook
I did see this book as reading. That’s my first thought while writing this reflection. It was like a book fill with fun, helpful, poetic facts for choreographers. Again, like with Twyla’s book, it was read that you could jump in and out of. I found myself reading it more when I was in the mists of a process rather than when I didn’t have something going on.
There was a level of mystery surrounding the topics, like he was leaving something out, or that you had to me in the “know” to get. But maybe that was just me not being emotionally mature enough for the read. I think it’s a book that you have to read a couple of times for it to properly sink in.
Books
Twyla Tharp – The creative habit
What I liked about this book was that the knowledge is obtainable to anyone. Her writing makes the information super accessible, and it makes u feel capable of creating. Or at least that is how it made me feel. I quite like the exercises that she gave at the end of each chapter. It gives a very nice practical element to it.
To continue, her real-world examples made it very personal. Which then made it more relatable because she was once us, a young dancer/maker trying to find her voice and her way.
I learned a lot about taking time from this book. Taking time and focusing on the days rather than the minutes. It was defiantly a good book to read in the 3rd year, I was able to jump in and out. Once chapter one month and another one in the next. And it was nice that it was not only focusing on the perspective of a choreographer, but it’s also a book that is meant for all walks of artists. So, the exercises and the chapters have an interdisciplinary feel to them.
Johnathan Burrows – A Choreographers handbook
I did see this book as reading. That’s my first thought while writing this reflection. It was like a book fill with fun, helpful, poetic facts for choreographers. Again, like with Twyla’s book, it was read that you could jump in and out of. I found myself reading it more when I was in the mists of a process rather than when I didn’t have something going on.
There was a level of mystery surrounding the topics, like he was leaving something out, or that you had to me in the “know” to get. But maybe that was just me not being emotionally mature enough for the read. I think it’s a book that you have to read a couple of times for it to properly sink in.
For me, that’s what was missing from my piece when I was in this creation process. A human side to it. And I don’t know what it was, but I just had this uncontrollable urge to speak. So, one day after I did the beginning section I dropped to the floor and started sprouting words. Saying stuff about not wanting to talk or not knowing what to say or about stories of my childhood.
Why do I speak? What was my urge to do this?
I think I have always been fascinated with the voice. Something about speaking or singing on stage breaks the boundary of performer – audience and makes that relationship a human to human one.
After this rehearsal I started writing a monologue to fit into the piece. For my whole process I was immensely inspired by the writing of Virginia Woolf. So, I thought I would take a similar structure with my writing. Fill it up with deep thought, metaphors, and anecdotes. And to also make it quite grounded. Make it real. Just a moment. a childlike train of thought with an adult perspective on it. I also worked in poetic run-on lines within it as well. A medley of my elements per say.
In the end I steered away from this idea of an outside force and props etc. I decided that I was just going to use myself and push myself to actually dance without the use of anything external to hide aspects of myself.
I think that also writing this monologue also made the dramaturgy of the piece more understandable for myself. It allowed me to see elements that I hadn’t noticed before, or elements that came through more because of this.
I wanted to approach this piece from a dancer’s perspective. I wanted to make it feel good to dance before worrying about the dramaturgy and intention of the piece. I noticed a lot of resistance to dance in a way that made me feel good. Like my body was afraid of letting something feel good. And for a period, I played with the idea of an outside force interrupting me while dancing. At first, I tried with a sound stopping me, but that seems too obvious. Then I wanted an actual physical thing to stop me. So, I though why not water? The idea was that every time I started to move and get into something, water would trickle onto my head from a bucket attached to the ceiling of the theatre. I even went as far as to design a contraption to make this scene a reality. Even going as far as doing maths and considering buying a bucket and a welder.
Monologue for trits
I can’t describe this scene with words.
It’s a very alien feeling being there, confronted by the vastness.
Cause there’s really nothing after that point.
That’s sounds a lot darker saying it outside my head.
I mean from this point , if you go west.
Takes a while going from somewhere to get to something.
That’s the thought I have every time.
It’s a scene I remember so purely.
I come and I go and still as I stand in that spot, I am entranced by the stories that play out on that line.
Obliviously we now know that at a certain point there is something, so that kind of takes the fun away.
But imagine standing in that same spot, 800 years ago; looking out at something that seems truly infinite.
Absolute madness of a thought.
Nothing to make you doubt, just a moment of stillness and imagination.
So again, I stand here on this spot, and again my dad in the background yelling at me because I lost another set of fishing feathers to the sea floor.
And again, I am daydreaming about jumping, flying, running, and disappearing out along that line.
And again, I struggle to describe this scene.
So, I’m not.
In just going to take a moment.
to feel the earth spinning, the moon smiling and the sun saying goodbye.
The movement language research.
I’m going to take a moment to describe the movement that has been created from my research. To put in simple terms, the shapes come from the trees and movement comes from the wind and the intentions comes from my childhood. But the intentions also drives the movement. In the last part of the piece there is a childlikeness to it. but this only came to me in the last week of working on the piece and then it all clicked. I did a deep dive on my dad’s Facebook and went back to 2012, when I was a young tom boy fishing as swimming in Pembrokeshire Wales. The way I was sitting on the cliffs or running around the beach or traumatizing other kids with the inside of fish heads has given me so much depth to my movement. And once I figured this out dancing my solo became so easy. I’m not impersonating a child with my movement but, I am letting my inner child come through and be a part of this piece. So, I think in a lot of ways this solo isn’t a solo. It’s a duet with my younger self.
This also brings me to the spirals. Maybe from looking at this document you can see that I might be a tad bit obsessed with the Celtic knots. These aren’t for decoration; they also play a huge role in the creation of the movement language. The tri spiral represents fertility and endlessness. This was also a present force in my first solo, but I didn’t dive that deep into it. and I thought it was something I could take with me into this. And this also relates to my movement with the tree because when I look at a tree it is made up of spirals and waves and knots etc. take the Celtic tree of life as an example.
So, back to the movement and the shapes. Both are inspired by the trees along the coast in The Burren Co. Clare. I think the mad thing about this research is that I think I have finally discovered my movement language. I lost it for a while. The way I organically move. Giving myself a movement research task has brought me close as to what my movement is. So yes, it is movement from the trees but, I guess my movement is the trees. The movement represent maturity and growth, but the essence is light which represents the child. And when combined it is a full version of myself.
