Footnote 19: TETHERED (15min)


May

  • At night, during sleep, I have a dream. I wake and remember it. It is lodged in my mind in what feels like a clear memory. Immediately I decide to remember it and run the emotional-aesthetic sequence several times in order to 'inbed the truth'. The next day I think that I should make a film of the dream, as true as possible. I remember the dream but do not verbalise it or write it down - I try to keep it as pure thought.
  • I decide I will make the film.
  • I realise that the film will not be a good film, nor of interest to hardly anyone, but I would like to make it anyhow, for me as an investigation into my interests.

 

June

  • In preparation to film I am successful in gathering equipment and permissions without verbalising any aspect of the dream. I consider to use an actor but decide any outside presence will contaminate the memory and so I decide to use myself and rather spontaneously my dad.
  • I do no pre-production. I just wait near the location for several days, eating and drinking and making a holiday.
  • I find the energy and go out to film, twice. The material I use is the location, the light, the time, the camera and myslef and my dad. 
  • Not all of the memory is filmed, and not all of the work corresponds, but I channel the energy and desire and action making.
 

September

  • I am now reviewing and editing the filmic material. I have as yet not verbalised the dream, but managed to keep it as a memory of the experience of the dream. I feel the memory has not altered too much but perhaps has blended with the memory of the film making process.
  • I am unsure how to maintain truth.

 

No media file available. Please upload a media file for "Tethered ProRes 422HQ 1080p 7500 720p RCat2" #323937.

Thoughts During The Process

  • I have a photograph that might correlate to the emotional content of this dream. I’m protecting my idea by not digging it out. But I can ‘see’ it. Perhaps I should draw it. Perhaps I should find the photograph  after the film has been made.
  • Am I ‘exporting’ subconscious? Is this pure, yet totally undirected pre-visualisation?
  • Why am I so keen to not verbalise? Do I mistrust my writing? Does truth dissipate on every retelling? 
  • Can I use this work to ascertain total difference in idea conception and resultant? Why is this desired?
  • I decide to protect the ‘export’ through giving no conscious thought to the actual work required. I rely on my experience in film making to automatically navigate or circumnavigate ‘production’ issues - these I can feel are happening at the top of my head, lightly, with no link to the rest of my body.
  • I lightly consider actors who may be correct or true for the work. I hope a sense of conviction will find its way into my body without giving the process any real thought or normal energy. I consider blood; my cousin’s two young boys or maybe a colleague at school, Anna Largaard, as I have a sense of knowing her. For some reason this role feels female, or childlike. 
  • Is this a creation of a pure cinematic-artefact?
  • Can it be that I have subconsciously nurtured the memory? Has this been informed from work started at Fårö? 
  • Cracks - what doesn’t exist in the work? Possible answer; joy, reflection, one side of the brain,...
  • Non-verbalisation of process and the bypassing of reason and logic; ‘auto-cinematic’? Or ‘feeling’ the cinema.
  • In writing this report have I made a verbalisation? A ‘verbal map’ in order to remember, analyse, find, navigate,... and as such have voided the process?
  • I can’t remember if this account is actually true. I mistrust the fact that I never wrote the dream down, early that morning. I search my emails and laptop for any files using obvious search terms but it yields nothing. I’m confused; I really feel as if I did but then I can't remember what I wrote if I did. What the search ”st ives” did reveal was a location based short description I wrote to Hannah Helborn to follow her ‘From Space to Story’ seminar, both of which I had completely forgot about. The writing describes my childhood love for this location. Archaeology of the mind?