Writing from an autoethnographic perspective gives my performance an authentic touch. I really do begin to walk with conformity, and I do it because it feels good. I become seduced by the care, command and marching. This is the power of autoethnography, the power of spoken autoethnography. And this is how it speaks back: 


I have to tip my hat to you. "Walking with Soldiers" is awakening, and what is funny, I had similar thoughts during the march. (Cadet from the march).


A cadet heard Track two and felt connected to it. She reminded me that gender always matters, sometimes it is the thing which matters the most. I had to reorientate and confront my paranoia again. Reparation is a confrontation with paranoia. 


the title of this writing proposes love for cadets,

not soldiers 

love as a political force and a multitude

walking instead of marching

a refusal to disclose and fully arrive,

but keep on searching

this is how I stopped worrying

and learned to love


I would like to thank the panelists of EISA 2019 in Sofia, especially Annick Wibben, as well as the audience at Carpa 6 in Helsinki, for their valuable and supportive comments on this manuscript and Track two. Thank you, Henri Lavi and Juha Mäkinen from the National Defence University, for your support and for granting me access. It would have been impossible to make this research happen without your help. Thank you, cadets of the 105th course, for sharing your journey and your stories with me. Thank you, Noora Kotilainen, for listening and caring. I want to thank Julia Järvelä for the illustrations and Gennady Kurushin from Cobalt Studio for the design of this exposition. I also wish to thank the reviewers of this exposition for their helpful comments.