I will never forget the first time I panicked on stage. At fifteen, I didn’t understand why it was happening or how to fix it, which led me to struggle with severe music performance anxiety (MPA) for many years after the fact. Determined to find a solution, I researched this topic for years, realizing how important and relevant it is for the music community, as at least 70% of performing artists have felt it at some point in their careers (Kenny, 2011).
The journey of a musician is anything but straightforward. It is a path filled with challenges—not just in perfecting the craft but also in learning to express emotions, ideas, and stories through sound. Among these challenges, from my personal experience, the most intimidating was the fear of performing in front of an audience. This fear, often referred to as musical performance anxiety, can affect even the most gifted musicians.
For me, this issue was deeply personal. For seven difficult years, I struggled with the paralyzing fear that took over me every time I stepped onto a stage. It did not matter whether the audience was small or large, familiar, or full of strangers. The thought of performing triggered an overwhelming sense of panic. Everything changed, however, during the academic year of 2021-22, when I had an experience that transformed my relationship with live performance.
During my Erasmus program at the Royal Conservatoire of Scotland, I enrolled in a weekly performance class that marked a significant milestone in my journey. These classes provided regular opportunities to perform, and I decided to confront my fears head-on.
To document this process, I started maintaining a performance diary—a basic but effective tool where I noted my ideas and emotions before, during, and after every performance. I also recorded every performance to compare my written notes with the footage.
The diary soon turned into a safe place for reflection, allowing me to sort out the psychological and emotional difficulties I had during performance. It helped me to approach the stage with a more analytical attitude, seeing every performance as a controlled experiment instead of viewing it as either an all-or-nothing event.
Over time, this practice provided clarity and insight, helping me understand my reactions and find ways to manage them.
Frustrated by the lack of coping mechanisms, I chose to investigate expressive writing as a potential solution, which finally helped me to grasp the fundamental problems generating my anxiety and restore confidence on stage. It allowed me to reflect in a clear, organized, and safe environment, which helped me better understand the issue as well as myself. The experience motivated me to apply the same approach to help young musicians who perhaps are experiencing the same problems as I did.
Teenagers are particularly sensitive to musical performance anxiety; hence, I decided to concentrate my study on this age group. I wanted to offer the direction I lacked as a young musician. There haven’t been many studies made on teenage performance anxiety, which adds relevance to this research.
Self-expression is a quality we all possess, although it may be hindered by our own selves. I wish I had received guidance when I was younger, when this problem first arose. Both practically, that is, having the opportunity to play every week, and psychologically, that is, having a tool that would allow me to understand what was happening in a clear and safe way.
This realization has inspired me to share what I have learned with others. I am especially motivated to help teenagers aged fifteen to eighteen, for this was also the age I developed my anxieties. I want to ascertain how effective the use of a journal is paired with performance regularity. To that end, I am organizing a series of workshops at the conservatory in Portugal where I first studied.
Returning to the place where my personal difficulties started, to help others who might be going through the same things, seemed to be the right thing to do. Portugal also appealed to me because, unlike countries like the Netherlands, where performance classes and coaches are more easily accessible, discussions of the psychological elements of music performance are almost non-existent. I would like to start this discussion, normalize it, and enable young musicians to view emotional well-being as a natural component of their artistic development. Learning to control emotions and feel comfortable on stage is, at least for me, just as vital as learning technical skills or music theory.
This study investigates if journal writing, combined with regular performance opportunities, can effectively reduce MPA and develop performance skills in teenage musicians. My goal is to provide them with the necessary tools to navigate through their thoughts and feelings, mitigating anxiety both on and off stage, and fostering a better relationship with their musical selves.
Through these workshops, I wish to equip young musicians with the kind of skills and performance techniques I lacked—practical tools and strategies to help them face and conquer their anxiety. Elizabeth Margulis's observations on the value of early intervention motivated me to investigate strategies that not only lower performance anxiety but also stop it from developing initially. This program is ultimately about building resilience and enabling young artists to find joy in their work, not only about relieving anxiety.
Combining introspective journaling with frequent performance opportunities, my goal is to provide them with the necessary tools to navigate through their thoughts and feelings, mitigating anxiety both on and off stage, and fostering a better relationship with their musical selves.
With this goal in mind, the central research question leading this study is: Can expressive writing, when paired with regular performance opportunities, help teenage musicians manage musical performance anxiety and improve stage confidence?
My aim is to help young musicians flourish personally as well as in their music, embracing the whole range of self-expression that art allows.