Workshop 1
Before
I was quite nervous, my hands felt cold, and that bothered me a little.
During
I couldn’t reach a state of comfort; I was thinking about too many things at the same
time, and my body felt rigid. The tuning issues that happened didn’t help my
psychological state.
Thoughts
I think the fact that I was playing for my classmates made me morenervous than I exp
ected.
Workshop 2
Before
Much less nervous than the first time, but I still felt some body stiffnessbefore playing.
During
The nervousness faded as I started playing—completely different from the first time.
I managed to prevent mistakes or tuning issues from bothering me too much, but I
still didn’t feel completely free.
Thoughts
There were definitely improvements in terms of nervousness before starting, and I
felt more comfortable overall during the performance. Even so, I think it could have
gone better, probably with better preparation at home.
Workshop 3
Before
I felt full of energy—maybe a little too much.
During
Despite some tuning mistakes, I felt very focused and engaged in the music, much
more than in the first workshop.
Thoughts
Even though I was slightly more nervous than last time, the performance felt
more convincing overall. I think dealing with nerves is becoming easier.
Workshop 4
Before
I was slightly more nervous than last time, but I felt prepared.
During
This was the most successful performance so far. However, I still felt nervous.
Thoughts
I’m starting to think that the level of nervousness I feel isn’t as harmful or significant
as I once thought. Looking at what I wrote in my previous journal entries, the most
successful performances were also the ones where I felt a certain level of nerves
beforehand.
1st WORKSHOP
Before
I wasn’t expecting to play, so I felt unprepared and afraid of making mistakes.
During
I felt relaxed but still afraid of making mistakes. When I did make mistakes, I kept going without
getting more nervous.
Thoughts
I didn’t play the full piece because I made too many mistakes and lost track of the cello part. I
didn’t feel bad about it not going well because I already knew I wasn’t prepared, and I was playing
for people I didn’t know.
2nd WORKSHOP
Before
This time, I felt completely calm, even though I had forgotten the sheet music, which made me a
bit apprehensive.
During
I made some mistakes because I didn’t have the sheet music and got a little confused, but I kept
going and didn’t get more nervous.
Thoughts
Overall, it went well, and I felt comfortable from beginning to end. I felt more at ease during this
performance compared to the first one.
3rd WORKSHOP
Before
Very calm because I was playing the same piece as before, and I’ve been feeling increasingly
comfortable.
During
I was already able to ignore and accept mistakes more easily, and I felt more connection while
playing because I felt more comfortable and confident.
Thoughts
I made mistakes but had a much higher level of acceptance compared to the previous sessions.
The sense of communication and confidence I felt was due to the ease I gained with myself after
playing here several times.
1st WORKSHOP
Before
Nervous, stressed, trembling, and lacking motivation.
During
I lost control of what I was doing. It went badly and kept getting worse until the end because I
couldn’t regain control over myself, what I was doing, or what I was thinking. I just wanted it to
end and disappear.
Thoughts
I’m not really sure why I got so nervous, maybe because my colleagues were all there.
2nd WORKSHOP
Before
I wasn’t as nervous compared to the first workshop. I only felt a slight nervousness, but even
though it was light, it still affected the beginning of the piece.
During
It was much more controlled than the first time, but I still got lost a bit in my thoughts halfway
through the piece. Surprisingly, I managed to recover control, which was a good thing.
Thoughts
Perhaps it was easier to play because there weren’t as many people watching.
3rd WORKSHOP
Before
A bit nervous because it was the first time playing the piece in public, but much calmer than
during the first workshop.
During
Due to my lack of confidence in the piece, I was trembling a little, also because I was playing in
public. Still, this time I was more comfortable with making mistakes and even with the fact that I
was trembling a bit.
Thoughts
Although its such a subtle difference I feel myself getting more comfortable playing for my
colleagues
4th WORKSHOP
Before
I was very calm, almost not nervous at all.
During
I had no fear of making mistakes and felt somewhat indifferent about playing in public.
Thoughts
I think this indifference was because I had an instrument exam before the workshop, which
drained my energy. Despite everything, I noticed that with each workshop, I got more used to the
idea of playing for an audience, and my performance became increasingly more convincing.
5th WORKSHOP
Before
I felt a kind of acceptance toward the performance, so I was calm, with low stress levels.
During
I felt a mix of indifference toward what I was playing and, at the same time, a strong presence in
the moment throughout the entire piece.
Thoughts
I was quite tired during the week, which I think contributed to this indifference toward making
mistakes on stage. This allowed me to simply live in the moment.
1st Workshop
Before:
Before playing, I felt normal, I wasn’t nervous.
During:
I admit that I made some mistakes, but I carried on, just like my teachertaught me.
Thoughts:
Before playing, I wasn’t nervous because there’s no reason to "die" from
anticipation (something that normally happens to me). When it’s time to play, it’s
better to keep playing than to stop, making mistakes is human, it happens to
everyone.
2nd Workshop
Before:
I felt normal, not nervous, not scared, or ashamed.
During:
I made some mistakes, but overall it went well. Anyone can makemistakes.
Thoughts:
3rd Workshop
Before:
I felt normal, there’s always that fear of making mistakes, but I wasn’t nervous,
since I was going to play for my peers.
During:
This time I felt more nervous than the other times, but not to the point of
affecting the performance.
Thoughts:
Regardless of the slight anxiety I felt a deeper connection with themusic and audience
4th Workshop
Before:
A little nervous. I used to get more nervous and ashamed when I wasyounger (3 years
ago).
During:
The nervousness disappeared once I started playing.
Thoughts:
I used to feel nervous because of the audience, depending on who was listening.
But because I’ve played this piece many times and reflected on my recordings, my
confidence and connection have grown a lot.
1st WORKSHOP
Before
Usually, before a performance, I feel nervous because I want perfection, even though I
know it’s impossible, and I don’t want to make mistakes. To stay focused, I like to isolate
myself in my bubble and be less communicative.
During
I mentally prepare before the first piece: I think about the tempo, character, and the first
note. I try to focus on all these aspects and play in a controlled manner.
Thoughts
I felt good. The final prelude went well, and I was happy with it.
2nd WORKSHOP
Before
I felt physically and mentally tired because I had a long day full of travel and
commitments. On days like this, my brain doesn’t work properly, for better or worse.
That’s why I wasn’t nervous.
During
Due to my physical exhaustion, I felt overwhelmed. I had a class earlier and tried to focus
on the points my teacher told me to improve on.
Thoughts
The beginning was a key factor in this performance. However, I was more comfortable with
making mistakes this time, at least in this context.
3rd WORKSHOP
Before
I felt good. I had practiced earlier, so I felt warmed up. I always feel less anxious if I prepare
beforehand. Also, playing regularly for an audience makes it less stressful.
During
For me, the “before” always affects the “during.” Since I felt capable, Iplayed confidently.
Thoughts
It went well. Creating a habit of playing “for real” or simulating the characteristics of a real
performance makes it seem less “important,” allowing me to relax more easily.
4th WORKSHOP
Before
I felt a bit apprehensive—not nervous—because I had my cello exam a few days earlier and
hadn’t played the piece since then.
During
I felt good. Everything was flowing well despite some intonation issues, but nothing serious.
I liked how it was going, and I enjoyed the moment.
Thoughts
I think having less work recently helped ease some of my concerns. With each workshop,
I feel more freedom and comfort while playing.
Overall, I found the idea of the workshop really interesting, and I think we need more gatherings
like the ones we had. As mentioned in the workshop, it’s truly valuable to leave nervousness behind and focus on conveying the music we want to share. This is essential in music but is sometimes overlooked, allowing theory to take over instead.
I think we could have had more idea and experience sharing among ourselves, but I understand that time was limited. Regarding the concert, I felt that all the participants were much more at ease compared to the first session. It would certainly have been better with a bigger audience.
In conclusion, I can say that this workshop helped me personally, making me feel more at ease and confident when playing for a larger audience.
From my point of view, this workshop was very important for me. It came at a crucial time—the second half of the first semester, just a few months before the first college
auditions. Moreover, it addressed a topic that is, at least for me, very relevant: performance anxiety. As I mentioned to Filipe, my goal is to pursue a career in music. If all goes well, I would love to play in an orchestra or, who knows, even become a soloist or join chamber
music groups—in short, I want to perform. But I’m also aware that I’ll probably have to teach.
Given this goal, something my instrument teacher always does is make me perform in as many recitals as possible. It’s important for me to get used to these experiences so that, little by little, they become less significant—that is, so that the stress and anxiety, which are such strong traits of mine, have less impact.
Now, speaking a bit more about the workshop: I really liked it. Oneinteresting thing was how Filipe related to us. He’s not much older than us, so he understands what we’re going through. We covered some very interesting topics, and I think a big part of this workshop
was the “community work”—sharing our fears and playing for each other to overcome something that was common to almost all of us. This was a valuable experience that I had never done before—at least not in this format or with such regularity. I enjoyed that.
I also liked the approach of creating a performance journal and reviewing our videos. I already did this to some extent because my teacher always encouraged me to record my recitals and even during practice. This wasn’t just for performance anxiety but also to
improve technically. Watching the videos helped me understand what comesacross to the audience and how to refine what I do.
Regarding the final concert: I played Duport’s Etude No. 8, one of the most essential methods for any cellist. It’s something I had been working on for a while and planned to
perform for my first- semester exam. So, I thought it was important to perform it as many
times as possible.
Personally, I think the concert was the culmination of the workshop. It was great to hear
some of the people who participated the most and to go on stage, recall what I had
relearned, and this time—unlike so many others—actually apply it and think about it, which
helped me during the performance.
I also know that this workshop alone won’t eliminate my performance anxiety, but I believe
it was crucial in giving me tools and raising my awareness of the issue so that I can continue
working on it. As a musician and a person, I understand that progress isn’t always linear. I
shouldn’t feel bad if I’m extremely calm in one audition and sweating a lot in the next. There
are external factors we can’t control, but we should do everything we can to improve what is
within our reach.
With all that in mind, I’d say the workshop was a valuable experience that helped me not
just learn but also review and solidify what I already know—positive habits I learned a few
years ago that should remain part of my daily life. I’d say this is just as important as
learning something new because sometimes, when we relearn something, we remember
when and why we learned it in the first place. That’s when we start connecting the loose
dots in our lives—both personal and professional—and continue evolving as musicians and
as people.
With the workshop, I was able to reflect on my feelings before and during the
performance. Before playing, I felt calm, but sometimes also a little nervous. During
the performance of the pieces/ music, even if I made mistakes, I tried to stay focused and keep playing because making mistakes is human.
Watching videos of my performances was also important. Although seeing my own performance gave me a strange and slightly uncomfortable feeling, I was able to identify areas where I can improve.
Another important aspect was learning to better control nervousness/shyness, something that often happened. Through this, I understood what to do and what to avoid before playing and how to "improvet" in this regard.
The workshop was interesting and useful, helping us reflect on how we feel before, during, and after performances, as well as how we feel when listening to our own performances.
This workshop was very useful and full of important learnings. A welcoming
environment was created that helped me significantly reduce my nervousness before performing.
I noticed a huge improvement since the first class, where I felt extremely anxious and tense, worried about what people might think of my performance, until the last class, where I already felt "at home" and volunteered to play without hesitation.
Although I still felt a slight pressure to avoid mistakes and got frustrated with each slip-up, the difference was noticeable. I no longer "tortured" myself for making mistakes nor did I feel that I was constantly being judged by those who listened to
me.
At the final concert, however, the experience was different. I had prepared a piece
during the workshop and planned to play it at theconcert, but on the day itself, nerves took ov
er and I ended up switching to another piece that I knew by heart and, supposedly,
made me feel more comfortable. Although I initially believed I had made the right decision, as I played, I realized the opposite. Perhaps because I had never played that piece in front of that audience, I became significantly more anxious as I made
mistakes. When I finished, I felt deeply disappointed and even frustrated that it didn't go as I had hoped. The mistakes I made affected me for the rest ofthe day, and I couldn't face them constructively. I believe it was one of the worst
performances of the two weeks of the workshop.
At the time, I didn't even have the courage to listen to my performance because I
couldn't stand seeing myself make mistakes and witnessing what my audience witnessed. Now, a month later, I can listen to the video calmly, and although the mistakes still bother me, I can face them with less pressure on myself.
Overall, I consider the workshop to be a great experience, especially because I deal
with a lot of anxiety before performing. I wish we had had more classes, as I felt that
the two weeks were not enough to achieve the workshops goal. Even so, the advice
we received was extremely useful, and I have been using it whenever I could, even after the workshop ended. The best advice I received was to imagine that I am playing a character while I play, something I have been applying in my performances. This thought has helped me alleviate the weight of responsibility and face mistakes with more ease.
I would like to thank Filipe for the valuable advice and his good humour throughout the workshop!
I think the workshops brought us a discipline and learning experience that is missing in our
conservatory and in Portugal in general. For me, at least, it was valuable and important because it
changed the way I approach the performance moment—before, during, and even after each one.
I learned several things, like how to prepare mentally for a performance, how to reflect on it by
writing about it, and a better way to “feel” the performance instead of overthinking it. In general,
the writing process helped me have a clearer vision of how to improve. I thought the workshop
was an excellent initiative, and I would definitely do it again if I had the chance.