Tradition


In this section, I would like to share my greatest sources of inspiration by highlighting my role models and delving deeper into their influence on me. At the end of this page, I have written a reflective conclusion where I compare myself to these inspirations, examining the similarities and charting my path forward, building upon the foundations laid by these musicians.


I will delve deeper into my experiences with the music and life of Hildegard von Bingen. Because I have visited her abbey as part of my master studies. And I felt a profound connection to how religion and spirituality have played a crucial role in the revelation I experienced regarding my approach to being a musician in today's society.


Hildegard von Bingen

Hildegard of Bingen (c. 1098 – 17 September 1179), also known as the Sibyl of the Rhine, was a remarkable German Benedictine abbess and polymath. Her diverse contributions spanned writing, composing, philosophy, mysticism, visionary experiences, and medical practice during the High Middle Ages. Renowned as one of the foremost composers of sacred monophony, Hildegard's influence extended to the scientific realm, where she is credited by many scholars as the founder of scientific natural history in Germany.

In recognition of her profound impact, Pope Benedict XVI canonized her as a saint in 2012 and bestowed upon her the honorary title of Doctor of the Church. Today, the center of Hildegard worship is located in Eibingen near Rüdesheim am Rhein, home to the Abbey of St. Hildegard. This site continues to celebrate her enduring legacy and contributions to various fields.


A guide

The music and story of Hildegard von Bingen have been a guiding light and source of inspiration for me since 2018. During deep meditations and breathwork sessions, I often receive visions of a nun, which I connect to the influence of Hildegard's life and music. These visions seem to convey the significance of Hildegard's legacy for me personally. I feel a deep resonance with her music and her way of being and living, almost as if I have experienced her presence intimately.

It was Hildegard von Bingen's divine melodies that touched my soul. Over the past two years, as I experienced a personal revelation concerning religion, her texts have also taken on a deeper significance for me. Hildegard von Bingen now inspires me to write texts, poems, and lyrics that celebrate what I find most important: life, love, wisdom, and a higher power.


Hildegard von Bingen composed new hymns, sequences, antiphons, versicles, and responsories, all of which she received through divine visions. Her extensive cycle of over seventy liturgical songs, aptly titled the Symphony of the Harmony of Celestial Revelations, stands as a testament to her spiritual and musical genius. Hildegard's life of service has left an indelible mark on countless individuals, both during her lifetime and in the centuries since.


Monastic life and relation to religion

I am drawn to the monastic life, not with the intention of joining a monastery, but rather to embrace the practices of reflection, contemplation, silence, and singing that deeply move me. However, I also grapple with the notion that such a life might be isolated from society, leading me to question its purpose. This internal conflict stems from my own understanding of religion and spirituality. I believe that we follow the teachings of Jesus by engaging with the world, learning from our mistakes, and interacting with others, allowing life to touch us deeply.


I wonder how the Benedictine way of life contributes to this practice. It seems that during St. Hildegard von Bingen's time, she was actively involved in society and had a significant impact. This contrast makes me ponder the role of monastic life in today's world and its relevance to living a life of faith and connection.


Before visiting the monastery of St. Hildegard von Bingen, there was an elusive aspect of monastic living that I couldn't quite grasp, yet I was eager to uncover its mysteries. Theology has long attracted me, but I struggled to penetrate its essence and truly understand religion. Perhaps what I lacked was an understanding of the profound devotion to living and honoring God, as the nuns do.


However, over the past few months, and especially after my visit to the abbey, this understanding has begun to crystallize. I now perceive that there is a unique freedom and guidance in dedicating one's life to God. This realization has fueled my curiosity to comprehend how it feels to be in a state of peace with oneself through complete surrender to God. This journey continues to intrigue me, as I seek to experience the tranquility and fulfillment that come with such devotion.


Visiting the abbey of St. Hildegard von Bingen

At the end of March this year, I made a trip to the monastery that Hildegard von Bingen founded in Eibingen. I immersed myself in the monastic life for four days, joining the nuns in their prayers five times a day to truly experience what life must have been like for Hildegard. During my stay, I had the privilege of meeting Sister Lydia, who introduced me to the music of Hildegard von Bingen.


St. Hildegard's music, based on the ancient Gregorian chants, is an integral part of the abbey's daily prayers. The nuns sing these chants as part of the Divine Office, five times a day. In Gregorian music, text and melody are intricately intertwined, with the rhythm dictated by the words of greatest significance. This close relationship between text and music enhances the spiritual depth and emotional impact of the chants, creating a powerful and transcendent experience.


Hildegard von Bingen composed music on various themes, including The Father, The Creator, The Holy Ghost, The Redeemer, The Virgin, and several saints and disciples who guided her. However, Sister Lydia pointed out that there is no song specifically dedicated to Jesus. With a hearty laugh, she explained, "He is the way, or he should be the way." Thus, there is no song devoted to Jesus because he is present in all things; he is the song itself, embodying the way.


The texts that Hildegard von Bingen wrote to accompany her music are considered her most significant works, her masterpieces. These texts are deeply spiritual, and the music serves as a form of prayer, as Hildegard received the songs during profound moments of prayer. She believed that the music was a divine gift, with God speaking through her.


Sister Lydia shared that Hildegard von Bingen's Caritas Habundant is a song through which one can truly understand the God of Hildegard von Bingen. This piece exemplifies the deep spiritual connection and divine inspiration that characterized Hildegard's work.


 

 


 











Besides learning about the music of Hildegard von Bingen, I shared some personal thoughts and feelings with Sister Lydia about being a musician and a human being in this life. I asked her how I could be of service with my being and as a musician. Sister Lydia responded with a beautiful answer: "Be a student. Always take on the attitude of learning. We always learn, and when we adopt this attitude towards life, our life becomes very interesting and great. Do not act as if you know; you don't know. The oldest sisters in the abbey understand this and live very lightly. We see that the younger sisters find it more challenging."


I found her words very insightful and meaningful. Over the past few years, I have focused on being a good student, which means daring to make mistakes, being open to feedback, and learning from those mistakes. It involves being humble towards life, surrendering to the unknown, and always being willing to learn. However, I sometimes struggle with this attitude because I feel I should already know everything. Sister Lydia asked, "And who says you need to know everything?" I realized that it was my own high standards and pride trying to protect me, but I desperately want to let go of this.


I am often hard on myself, but Sister Lydia advised, "Do not be hard on yourself; that is so negative. There is nothing valuable in being hard on yourself." Her words were true, though they felt a bit harsh to receive. I completely agree with them, and I knew this already, but I wasn't ready to live up to it. Receiving this wisdom from Sister Lydia was beneficial, as it reinforced what I already knew but hadn't yet embraced.


Now, I feel I am gradually letting go of negative beliefs and fully surrendering to the attitude of being a student. I aim to learn every day, in every moment, without the fear of making mistakes. By embracing this approach, life becomes rich and fulfilling.


When I shared my fears about life, Sister Lydia responded, "Why be afraid? You have the music!" She was right. That evening, I went to bed early to wake up in time for Lauds, and her words echoed in my mind. I played the Gregorian Chant Missa cum jubilo – Gloria and realized that I never have to be afraid because I have the music.


My visit to the abbey of St. Hildegard von Bingen provided me with a deeper understanding of both the music and the life of my guide. It also offered profound insights into my sense of dignity. I often feel divided rather than whole. On the first day, during one of the prayers, I had a vision of a split through my head and body, with one side darker than the other. In the silence of those days, a crucial question emerged: how can I heal my dignity?


One day, while lying in the grass between the vineyards, I read Secrets of God – Writings of Hildegard von Bingen. The question "How can I be with God?" arose within me. “How do I walk with Christ?” The answer that came to me was that I must give up my pride. I am created by life, formed from the earth, and to the earth I shall return. It is through humility and surrender that I can truly appreciate the beauty of life and connect deeply with others.


By relinquishing my pride, I have nothing to prove and nothing to protect. I do not need to shield myself; I am already protected. The only thing I need to safeguard is the light within me and the fire of life. I have nothing to prove to anyone; I am good enough as I am. I am a student of life, a pilgrim on this journey. I felt the wonderful sparkle of life within me, awakened and ready to be shared. From that sparkle, I will act.


I walked back to the monastery to participate in Vespers, feeling fulfilled and determined. During Vespers, we give thanks for the day, reflecting on our experiences and actions, and expressing gratitude. As I entered the church and saw the large painting of Jesus on the ceiling, it became clear and simple: walking with Christ means sharing the light. Yes, of course, that is what I will do.


Later in the evening, during Compline, I felt a sense of confusion. What does this monastic life mean? What is the purpose of the nuns' actions? Are they present in every word of their prayers, or is it merely autopilot for them? How do they serve life and bring the words of God into action? How do I serve life, and what is my relationship with God? How can I integrate the words, symbolism, and wisdom into my life and live from them? What does this look like for me? I am not a nun, nor do I wish to become one, so how do I embody these principles in my own life?


It feels like a monumental task to keep the spark of life, which I felt earlier that day, burning in daily life. Remembering this spark feels like an ongoing exercise—practicing gratitude, meditation, silence, and contemplation. Truly being able to look at life, daring to make mistakes, and acknowledging them. I feel that I am now more of a follower in life. While we all follow the will of life, my actions often feel more like not knowing what to do and then following, rather than following an intuitive knowing that guides me to the right places to make my contribution. I wish I were guided and could be consciously present in that, connected with my inner fire that tells me what is right and beautiful.


During Compline tonight, I realized that I often take a lot from my surroundings without truly considering what I think. I almost automatically assume that everyone else is right. But what do I think? How can I share that? How do I contribute?


I left the monastery with a very satisfied and happy feeling, also somewhat emotional. A lot has surfaced within me these days. Many valuable insights have taken me a step further on my path to getting closer to my essence as a person and musician. Yes, I feel absolutely richer and very inspired by my visit. The questions I have and the answers that present themselves will be integrated over time, manifesting in new texts and melodies.


I would like to close this reflection about St. Hildegard von Bingen with another piece of wisdom Sister Lydia shared with me: "You always have to feel the music; otherwise, it will not reach the people." This insight relates to my quest to find words for what happens when we are in the magic of performing. How do we articulate what we feel and experience in such moments? It felt crucial for me to understand this, to have the words to share. Some months ago, I found the answer in one of the episodes from De Kunst van het Mens Zijn by Jaap Voigt. He dedicated an episode to performance, and there I found my answer.


        




 

Caritas habundat in omnia
Caritas habundat in omnia,
de imis excellentissima super sidera
atque amantissima in omnia,
quia summo regi osculum pacis dedit.


Antiphon to Divine Love

Charity abounds in all things,
from the depths to high above the highest stars,
and is most loving to all things;
for to the high king it has given the kiss of peace.

 - Related to this: see the reflection on performance by Jaap Voigt.

Caritas Habundat: Psalm 130/131
sung by the nuns of Abbey St. Hildegard

Other sources of inspiration

This playlist contains songs that have accompanied me throughout my master's studies. Each track serves as a guide, resonating with an atmosphere I aspire to create in my own music. These songs touch me deeply, transporting me to various states of being. Primarily, they imbue me with strength—a strength that communicates a message of overcoming difficulties, embracing challenges, and appreciating the beauty of life. Nature is a recurring theme in almost all the songs, and I would like to share my personal understanding and relationship with nature when I speak of strength.


Nature operates in a perfect cycle, where events unfold as they must. It can be harsh, reminding us of the inevitability of death and its integral role in life. Yet, it can also be breathtakingly beautiful, with colors and phenomena that connect us deeply to life. These musicians seem to tap into this essence, singing about it and revealing it through their music. I, too, wish to sing about the beauty of life and nature, to celebrate and express the mystery that life embodies. Over the past few months, this has increasingly felt like a purpose I want to pursue.


I notice several similarities among the artists and their songs. Many sing in their native languages, some even in ancient tongues. The music often has a meditative quality with repetitive structures and simple melodies. Most of the artists write their own music, and nearly all the songs in the playlist are original compositions. The storytelling aspect of the songs frequently draws from mythology and history.


These similarities resonate with me as a musician. Last year, I decided to write in Dutch, my mother tongue. It feels more honest and allows me to express my feelings more smoothly than in another language. In my quest to discover my own folklore, writing in my native language felt like the most authentic path. In 2019, I began working with ancient Dutch, the language spoken between 800 and 1200 AD, for one of my projects. This language had a profound impact on my music, as I believe words carry their own music within them. The shapes of my sentences and melodies in ancient Dutch differed from those I had written before. Ancient Dutch sounds similar to Icelandic and Celtic, with more open vowels than modern Dutch.


Initially, I thought I had found a piece of my folklore through this ancient language. At the start of my master's studies, I dedicated a project to developing ancient Dutch in my musicality. However, my relationship with the language has evolved over the past year. It remains a magical and inspiring element in my music, but I now see it more as a creative tool rather than my own folklore. My thoughts changed because I do not fully understand or master the language, and it feels distant from me and my fellow Dutch people, as it has died out and is preserved by only a few. Nevertheless, I am glad to have it in my musical palette. In my desire to connect more deeply with life and others, it makes sense to write lyrics in a language that is understandable or translatable.


My attraction to repetitive melodies and simple song structures lies in their ability to induce a transcendent state. When we enter a transcendent mode, we connect to a feeling of timelessness and oneness. I have often experienced this during improvised concerts with my trio, Under The Surface. Repetitive melodies, like those in mantra songs, allow the mind to relax and fully surrender to the sound and music, leading to a trance-like state where there is no need to focus on anything else.


One last aspect I notice in some of the artists and their music on this list is the presence of a spiritual element. As I mentioned in my other reflection, this is something I am deeply interested in. I seek to create something that transcends daily life and reminds us of the oneness of all existence. For example, the songs by Wardruna and Anúna seem to be sung with a purpose, aiming to evoke something profound. This spiritual quality is also present in the music of indigenous people from Brazil and Mexico, as well as in the joik of the Sami people from Norway. Similarly, European church music, such as Gregorian chants and the compositions of Hildegard von Bingen, serves a comparable purpose—music as a form of prayer.


During my master's studies, it became clear to me that this is my path forward as a musician: to create beauty from suffering and pain and to make music as a form of prayer. I think creating beauty from suffering and pain is the true nature of an artist. It involves wrestling with the elements of the earth and daily life experiences, translating them into art that communicates feelings we can all relate to. This process makes the challenges we face more bearable and understandable, helping us feel less alone. It allows us to heal together and shows us a path towards healing, beauty, and love.


This is what I recognize in my sources of inspiration. Artists have always played this role in society, and I believe it remains their role today. I see this as my role in society too.

Spotify playlist: sources of inspiration

- next page: Contemporary Field