Contemporary Field

First and foremost, I have come to realize that I find it thrilling yet daunting to express my views on current events and the contemporary music culture. I fear criticism, and behind that fear lies the anxiety of being judged and potentially canceled. Who am I to claim knowledge of the truth? And who truly possesses it? In the past, I have voiced opinions on matters that, in retrospect, I view with a hint of embarrassment. Was I right? For some, yes; for others, perhaps not. We are often praised when we align with the majority on a trending topic or ideology. However, if we dissent, we are misunderstood, judged, and even radicalized. This is dangerous, as certain ideological perspectives can lead to disconnection, which, in my view, only fosters further division.

I strive to educate myself about current events and step out of my personal bubble, but I must admit that I find it both a bit scary and uncomfortable. Here, I share my personal thoughts on how I currently relate to society and the music world.

Peace

I firmly believe that peace and change begin within ourselves. It starts with making peace with the internal battles we face. If we are at war with our own hearts, it is impossible to make peace with the world around us. I am convinced that in this life, we should strive for love, peace, and community. Striving for justice is also crucial, though I still find it challenging. Justice can be interpreted differently in various situations, and opinions are divided. In the pursuit of love, peace, and community, and especially justice, a healthy relationship with our conscience is vital. Our conscience must function healthily to make the right choices. Without it, we are in danger. We must listen to the inner voice that guides us towards truth, honesty, purity, and the path of true love. That is the essence of peace.

Moreover, I have noticed that I no longer find reflecting on the current state of affairs as interesting or important as I did two years ago. Through my personal journey, I now find it much more fulfilling to dedicate myself to fostering the inner peace I mentioned earlier. I wish to raise awareness of this and help others by setting an example.

Being woman

As a student now part of an institution, I feel an expectation to share my thoughts, which is valuable. However, as I mentioned earlier, I no longer see the importance of merely talking and reflecting on these issues. I believe that actions have a far greater impact. The best way I can contribute to current movements is by embodying them myself and setting an example.

In the past, I was very passionate about the movement for more women in the (jazz) music scene. I still support this cause, but my approach has evolved. This shift is primarily due to a change in my thinking at the beginning of the first semester, which has significantly impacted my attitude towards the music scene

I realized that I was primarily seeking recognition. I approached women's rights by striving to become more masculine because masculine qualities are still more recognized in our society than feminine ones. Consequently, I unconsciously sought recognition and did not fully embrace my femininity. By masculine qualities, I mean being active, rational, goal-oriented, linear, structured, focused, and independent. By feminine qualities, I mean allowing emotions, patience, circular, creation, creativity, calmness, and asking for help. We all possess both these energies, and the goal is to find a balance between them. Both are equally important for living a healthy and happy life. One quality is not superior to the other. In my experience as a working musician, I felt I needed to be proactive, goal-oriented, independent, and focused, neglecting my feminine qualities for a long time, which led to an unhealthy relationship with my work and life.

I realized that I kept myself trapped in the thought that I was not equal or had to function in a certain way instead of freeing myself from it. I see myself as equal to others, and from that perspective, I can act without having to prove my equality. If someone sees it differently and wants to maintain the difference, I no longer need to be a victim of that belief. I can leave that belief with the other person instead of remaining insecure within myself.I am acutely aware that this is not the case everywhere. For some women, expressing themselves as they wish can indeed pose a threat to their lives, which is truly heartbreaking. I hope that by freeing myself from my insecurities and false beliefs that keep me trapped, I can stand in my feminine power and contribute to the liberation of other women for whom it is not safe or feels unsafe to be their true selves. I see many of my friends and colleagues working towards this, and I find it incredibly inspiring. We must not forget that we are part of the field and the value we bring to life. Sometimes, it seems that through various ideologies, we have come to view ourselves as destroyers of humanity. I think this perspective is highly destructive. We are part of this beautiful cycle of life. Perhaps it is because we have forgotten that we are part of this magnificent creation that we are capable of actions that lead to a sense of inequality. The nature of this may lie in comparing ourselves to one another, which further divides us.

I am committed to spreading messages of goodness and transmitting light. I no longer wish to contribute to messages of hate and shaming, as I believe they do not lead to a better life. While it is important to hold each other accountable, we can do so in a mature and constructive manner, starting with ourselves. Do I treat myself with maturity? Am I honest with myself?

The purpose I feel called to is to uplift, to connect and inspire one another, to build sisterhood, to listen, to truly see and hear each other, and to offer support and recognition.

Meaning making

This brings me to returning to my quest for meaning and belonging. I believe this quest is not only within me but within all of us. Driven by the urge to belong, we sometimes make choices that do not always contribute to a genuine sense of belonging. I think of focusing on creating an identity, building a brand, and identifying with it, seeing it as our true self, "being someone." Focusing too much on "having" will leave us feeling empty and searching. I believe dedicating ourselves to finding a way to return to wholeness with life and each other is a valuable path to walk. The music scene, in my view, is still lagging behind in this regard because there is still a significant focus on creating an identity and pursuing success, rather than being good enough in ourselves and recognizing the beauty present in every moment. I think, when we hold music competitions, give out prizes, and name others as the best, we all lose, no matter how good something is. We lose sight of the fact that everyone expresses their experience of life in their own unique way and contributes to celebrating the beauty of life.

I see more colleagues and friends embarking on an inward journey to figure out how the path forward looks, a path that consists of healthier boundaries and a balanced work-life dynamic. I am inspired by fellow musicians who choose to take care of themselves, not be dependent on reviews, praise, and social media, take rest, and prioritize community, family, and friends over career. It feels valuable to meet on these topics to share, inspire, and strengthen each other in this process.